1.So, El Nino is doing some funky things all over the place and in Michigan, we’ve got lots of rain which is just kind of weird at this time of year. Also? Thunderstorms? In February? What the what? I mean, I don’t even want to complain because any of it is better than snow but it’s still just a bunch of bizarre weather that’s making my sinuses cranky. Fog. Rain. Ice. It’s unlike most Michigan winters, and it’s weird. (I hate snow so much so I’m glad that this year has involved minimal shoveling, but… I’m ready for spring.)

2. Speaking of spring, I guess the groundhog says it’ll be here sooner. Which is good because otherwise there’d be groundhog road kill to contend with. Or something. I wouldn’t actually run over a ground hog. I mean, I drive a Prius, for god’s sake. A groundhog might do some damage.

3. It’s entirely possible that my brain needs to do a bit of work into being a brain that’s nicer to me, or so it feels. I sent myself in circles yesterday – so sure I had messed something up. I beat myself up and basically turned myself inside out stressing about this perceived screw up and finally got to the point later in the day where I stopped myself in my tracks and thought, “Wait, what? I didn’t mess this up. I had every reason to think that I was doing this correctly. This wasn’t me screwing up. This was me operating on incomplete information. This doesn’t make me an idiot. This is something I can learn from moving forward.” I am…proud of myself for getting to that way of thinking about it all. It’s not easy for me to not stress about something – especially when the outcome isn’t great. But… we can only do the best we can do, right? And we just have to learn from stuff, and keep on keeping on.

4. I don’t even know if y’all know just how huge it was for me to let go of the whole flogging myself cycle and letting myself feel peace at knowing that if indeed I made a mistake, it was an honest mistake. Making mistakes is something people do. Even smart, capable people. I KNOW, RIGHT?

5. It seems odd to me that the government hasn’t yet found a way to utilize dog flatulence as a weapon against our enemies.

6. Can you believe we have SEVERAL MORE MONTHS TO GO UNTIL THE ELECTION? Honestly, I’m curious to see how this all shakes out, who is left standing in this seemingly never-ending clown car of candidates, but I am just. So. Tired. Tired of the soundbites and talking heads and name calling and mud flinging. The internet has been a blessing and a big fat curse for politics.

7. Tomorrow is World Nutella Day. Plan accordingly.

8. Picked up a new podcast this week – been listening to the M.O.N.E.Y podcast featuring my fave mohawked finance blogger (okay, the only mohawked finance blogger I know), J Money… who y’all might remember from Love Drop days. J is joined by another finance whiz who I had never heard of before this podcast – and in the first ep I listened to, they were talkin’ ways to start saving – which AS YOU KNOW – is on my list of things to get real about before I turn 40. It’s pretty interesting to hear money smart people talk about money – and creating a real savings plan suddenly feels for real very doable.

9. The kids have dental appointments this morning and I’m at the point where before every dentist appointment I think to myself, “PLEASE don’t let this be the appointment where we start talking orthodontia because MY WALLET DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT.” Cross your fingers, y’all. Give us six more months of brace-free living.

10. You know what, you guys? It’s FEBRUARY. 2016 is 1/12 complete already. How does that even happen? We were just ringing in the new year. I’m not sure if i’m ready for the year to fly this way. Or maybe I am.

1. Yesterday, I told a client that February contains National Drink Wine Day, National Margarita Day, National Pizza Day, and National Bacon Day? Why? Because February SUCKS and February needs pizza and tequila. Obviously.
2. I started the Couch to 5k program again and then we got a bunch of snow again, so you know, whatever, oh well… maybe in a few months?
3. Day two of the Couch to 5K made me realize that I really NEEDED new running shoes because as I ran/walked/jogged, water was coming up through the bottom of my shoes and wow, that was cold and not really very much fun at all.
4. We have taken to calling my mango-avocado smoothies “Unicorn Snot.” Mmmmmm. Delicious. (Unicorns are a good source of Vitamin A and Lutein.)
5. In the midst of a snowy morning on Wednesday, I decided to wear a sweatshirt to work…forgetting I had a meeting later. Looking like a hobo with your web developer – achievement unlocked. (Ooops?)
6. I’m not at the point yet where I’m hoping for the flu so I can take a break for a day and catch up on rest, but man, I could use a break for a day to catch up on rest. Where’s my mommy snow day?
7. Spoiler alert: Apparently there’s no mommy snow day.
8. In the aftermath of Christmas, one of the things I am happiest about is the stack of books I’ve accumulated from spending Barnes & Noble gift cards. ALL THE BOOKS ARE MINE!
9. I loathe conference calls and speakerphones.
10. It’s been a grumpy week. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been looking forward to Friday since Monday. We’re almost there, y’all.

1. I took this picture last night just after six p.m. and it wasn’t completely dark and hallelujah! It may be colder than…something really cold… but it’s staying lighter later and that means that there’s hope that winter won’t indeed last forever, even though, let’s face it – it feels like it.
2. I have been busting my bum on some work projects lately, and there’s something oddly satisfying about wrapping something up even though you know full well that that’s not the last of that you’re gonna see. There’s work I love to do, work I like to do, and work that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Usually it’s the stuff that makes me struggle that makes me want to bang my head – which, let’s face it, would be stupid because killing my brain cells is only gonna make things harder – but… anyway, this is just to say: I feel good about what I put together after a long period of struggling through how I was going to display the information and let’s just stick a fork in this one.
3. We are in the point of winter where Pumpkin asks me every morning if today is a snow day and gets quite frustrated with me if in fact it is not. I control many things – because hey, I’m a control freak – but unfortunately, I do not control the weather.
4. The PRincess is in the midst of exam week at school and is nearly at the end of the second quarter of the school year. I don’t recall exams in eight grade, so I guess the times are a-changing and seriously the year is half over already? When did that happen?
5. The weekends are abnormally filled with kid activities lately that I am really looking forward to having no activities this weekend. The busy weekends fly by so quickly and then Monday rolls around and I feel unrelaxed and semi-grouchy.
6. There are still people who hit Reply All when they don’t need to Reply All. And there’s a special place in hell for those people.
7. I’ve been a grump lately and I am trying so hard to shake that negative attitude. It’s hard. Life is too short to be in such a foul mood.
8. I broke free from my shell and wore red nail polish this week. I hate red. Not a fan of red nail polish. Pretty stoked that it’s all chipping off. It was worth a try. I tried it. Now… never again.
9. My dog used to do this thing where every night around nine, he just turned into this royal grumpy beast – and now, he’s calm. Super calm. But around 9 he just starts farting. It’s…not good either.
10. I could use a grown up snow day. A day curled up under a pile of blankets, reading books and napping sounds heavenly. File also under: it will never happen.

Facebook. I love it or hate it depending on the day. BUT I CAN’T QUIT IT. Facebook break? Nah. I’d rather just complain about the annoying people. You know the ones…

1. The overaggressive sports fan, particularly if they gotta bash my team to cheer theirs on. “We’re number one!” they’ll post. “We are Spartans!” Um. Dude. You’re not a Spartan. You barely made it through high school and you still mix up there/their/they’re.
2. The narcissist. Do you have strangers take your picture? How on earth can you explain the fact that you have a photograph of yourself taken damn near everywhere you go. I’m all for healthy self-esteem, but somehow yours is over the top. You take your selfie even when you’re on an ambulance (what the what?) and somehow you have all these photographs that are supposedly candid but look anything but.
3. The airer of dirty laundry. Pretty sure I don’t need to know when you’re fighting with your spouse and even more certain I don’t want to watch it unfold in the comment thread. Keep your marital hooey offline. (And if your kids are reading your posts? EVEN WORSE.) Also? Yeah, once we’ve watched twenty messages unfold, we’re gonna end up taking sides so if you’re wondering why no one likes your wife anymore it’s because she said a lot of really bad things. Oh. And she can’t spell.
4. The conspiracy theorist. Snopes can be your friend, but not like you’d believe it anyway. Maybe your tin foil hat is wrapped around your noggin just a little too tight. We’re sheep who believe everything we read – that’s your rally cry. At some point, we’ll all see that you were right all along. Yep. Okay. Sure. There are far smarter people on the planet, and yet, you’re the one who’s figured out the great mysteries of life? Hmmmhmmmm.
5. The salesperson. I am super excited for you about your nails, your smoothies, your storage containers, your (insert thing you’re selling here). Mostly – I really am A-okay with what you’ve got going on. Big mad crazy props for finding something you dig and working to support yourself. What I’m less okay with is always being the target audience for your sales pitch. I don’t want nail stickers, I think your protein drink tastes like chalk, and the last time I went to one of those kitchen parties, I got a lemon zester that doesn’t zest so much as it twirls lemon rind and it’s super useless so just… no.
6. The racist. You’re a hateful awful person. You start sentences with, “I’m not a racist, but…” I will forever hear that as, “I am a racist butt.” You spew hate, then try to justify it, and get all bent out of shape should anyone argue with you. Unfollow. Unfriend. (It’s 2015. It’s really not okay to think like this.) Racist posts are made worse by people you know have had very little interaction with a diverse culture – how do you have reason for such hate people you’ve never even encountered? You don’t. You can’t.
7. Vague bookers. While I’m not a fan of airing the dirty laundry, go big or go home. To allude to it and not actually say what’s up? That’s annoying too. Also, when you VagueBook, I just assume I know what it is… and I have a pretty great imagination. You’re better off just telling us so I don’t go imagining something worse – or you know, NOT AIRING YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY ON FACEBOOK.
8. The one who has it all together. While conventional wisdom tells me that this is more facade than reality, you’re annoying not because I dislike the idea of having it all together, but because I’m insanely jealous.
9. The wingnut. I don’t have to agree with my friends on every little thing – it’s cool if we don’t but man, you’re pretty vocal about a large number of things that I thought people had stopped believing decades ago. You’ll believe any thing your “news’ outlet tells you which is why you seem to feel so justified in your hate. Instead, you look kinda dumb
10. The liar. You don’t have to show us your bleek picture when life has you down, but there’s something grating about that friend who shouts from the roof top about how great life is, and then you find out that the posts are lies, the photographs are staged, and it’s all fake. Be real with me. Authenticity is not just a buzz word. Life is not always picture perfect. I embrace those imperfections because that’s what life really is all about.

The reality is, most of these people are the same person. THe other reality is that the election season is making it all worse. I’ve stopped watching pretty much anything related to the election but what seems to multiply in droves is ignorance, hatred and uninformed generalities spreading like wildfire on social media. Yay technology.  

1. Christmas is just over two weeks away and I have no idea where my spirit is or when I’ll snap out of the funk I’m in and I have no idea why this year has been such a tough one in terms of being jolly. Well. I take that back. I’m reasonably certain I know why I have no Christmas spirit. Or not enough spirit. But… trying to combat it is tough. Honestly, the fact that there’s no snow at all is a major saving grace for me right now.
2. I rip recipes out of magazines. Ideally, I put the recipe in a plastic page protector in a binder and voila! Cookbooks. Instead, right now what I have is a massive pile of magazine pages that are not at all organized in any way. What a chaotic pile of suck.
3. I guess this is where I mention that my 39 before 40 list includes reading that “Lifechanging Magic of Tidying Up” book. I haven’t started reading it yet. SURPRISE!
4. Y’know what’s annoying? I just received a medical bill yesterday for an eye specialist appointment FROM APRIL. Nearly eight months to the day after my appointment, a second invoice from a day spent in Ann Arbor. (I’ve already sent them nearly two grand for the first appointment. *sob*) How does it take eight months? Thank god they were slow enough that my deductible has been met.
5. I’m so grateful to have health insurance but dang, y’all could you know… COVER SOME STUFF.
6. We have nearly a year to go until the presidential election and I am so disheartened I have no idea how I’m going to make it until next November. This country is a mess and these people are a joke and ugh. I feel very much like the election cycle needs to be like… a month or two long – that’s it. The candidates will come out all at once and talk about who they are and what they stand for and then like two weeks later you’ll vote and it’ll be done. When I think of all the money being wasted through this whole process right now it makes me more than a little sick.
7. And how is 2015 almost over already? My god. Part of me is ready for a brand new year because this year has been so hard – and part of me is afraid of bleeding my bad luck into an all year. I’d just as soon stay in 2015, get all the bad stuff done with, AND THEN move on. (2015: The Year Everything Broke Including My Retinas)
8. Work has been chaotic and it’s tough – there’s a lot to do and a lot of non-planned things keep coming up. On one hand, you’ll never hear me say that I’m bored. On the other hand… you’ll never hear me say that I’m bored.
9. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about blogging lately – and this may well be the topic of a post of its own – but y’all know how I am about that: everytime I say it merits its own post, I never write it because I just don’t have time. remember when I had time to write? Blogging used to be a way of connecting. Now it’s just another avenue where people try to sell stuff. ANd I totally understand it and accept it and to a degree I don’t even mind that because I get it but I miss the connection. I miss when authenticity was more than a buzz word. When people weren’t just trying to find that next viral thing that looks an awful lot like that last viral thing.
10. I love convenience but I hate doing my Christmas shopping online. It’s not the same, and I am having a hard time remembering what I bought for what person? (Also? WHY YOU GOTTA TAKE SO LONG, FREE SHIPPING?) Limited free time means shopping by mobile app in the late or wee hours (bonus points if you accept Apple Pay). It’s just a really underwhelming way to do things. That could be why I still have so much I have yet to do. Sigh.

1. I’m not even really sure what I can say that hasn’t been said more eloquently by smarter people than me, but dang, y’all. I can’t even watch the news anymore because every story breaks my heart a little bit more and yeah, there’s a big big problem and I don’t know why people are choosing not to see it.

2. I woke up with a really bad feeling yesterday that lingered with me all day – who knows why or what for. I’m a constant ball of stress these days. Partly it’s the dark days and the stress and hustle and bustle of the upcoming holiday and partly it’s because work is busy and chaotic and my brain is maxed out… but that bad feeling it hung around with me all day.

3. The highlight of my day was on the drive home and shuffle served up some Tiffany and I sang along to “I Think We’re Alone Now” at the top of my lungs. As you do.

4. I’ve decided to start doing Piyo again. Mostly because I have decided to bake cheesecake for every holiday.

5. I went to the post office yesterday. I bought actual stamps. And then I mailed actual Christmas cards. And while I was there, I was nervous because of the news and crazy people doing crazy things and the fidgety guy next to me and the guy on his cellphone wearing too much cologne and this is the world we live in, I guess, where the post office becomes a scary place and not just because the people who work there are slow and grumpy.

6. I got a call from my cable company the other day and the sales rep was calling from California – he was telling me how amazing my internet is (Uh, if you say so) and how he was “luxurized by lightning fast internet.” What does that even mean and maybe YOU are “luxurized” but I live in Michigan and the only thing “lightning fast” here is… well… nothing.

7. That moment when you think you’re almost done Christmas shopping and then you realize that you have purchased far more for one kid than the other and there’s a lot of work yet to do to even things out.

8. I’m trying really hard to be grateful that we haven’t really had snow yet.

9. And that it hasn’t been super cold yet. I just know that when winter happens it’s gonna hit with a vengeance and I can’t help it, I’m going to be irritated. Even if it’s December 3 and it’s been really mild so far.

10. Lithification. A word that appeared on my daughter’s homework. What the hell is that even and why does she need to know it?

1. The blog was up and then it was down and then it’s up and now I’m getting a message that it might not be safe and then I switched over to Firefox and I”m not getting that message and y’all I just don’t know but here’s hoping it’s not broken because I’d hate to lose ten years worth of stuff.

2. Can you believe it? Ten years of blogging. That’s a lot of words.

3. There’s a post it on my computer from Pumpkin: “Stars can’t shine without darkness.” I’m keeping it there – partly because it seems especially meaningful because my retinal crud makes it a bit harder to see stars unless it’s super dark and partly because it’s a reasonably good reminder that there’s a reason for the tough times. Sometimes.

4. This week is a HUGE week for THe PRincess – her school musical (she has a big role) and her first meet of the season. It means there’s a lot going on but it’s good stuff, for the most part, so yay.

5. I saw a huge double rainbow when I was leaving work last night and I stood in the rain until my shoes were soaked through, taking pictures of it with my phone because sometimes after a day that is full of struggle, you are confronted with beauty and dang, it’s just a perfect opportunity to get outside of yourself, get over yourself and just see what’s in front of you, what’s beautiful and perfect and feels a bit like optimism.

6. I can tell I’ve been stressed because I think I’ve bitten the right side of my cheek so many times that now I can’t stop biting it. Some people bite their tongues…

7. And it’s been a hard week – this is the time of year we spend planning budgets and marketing engagements for our clients for the coming year. The dollars and cents isn’t as fun as the strategy and creative and concepting, and so I would love to fast foward over the PLANNING and get to the DOING. The planning hurts my brain a little.

8. Thanksgiving is next week – can’t believe it. Where has this year even gone? It’s going to be Christmas before we know it and then 2016? How is that even possible?

9. We finally have a Trader Joes in Grand Rapids and I’m more than a little in love with it.

10. DId EVERYBODY buy a Star Wars waffle iron this week? Yeesh. Lot of waffles in my Facebook feed. Lot of bigots too. But we’re talking about waffles now. But really – did everyone buy that waffle iron?

1. After a few years of using a friend’s Mac Book Pro, I finally had to replace it and since my budget is not a Mac budget, I have a brand spanking new miserable sucktastic HP laptop. I’m trying to not hate it too much, because it seems an absurd first world problem to complain about a new computer but oh my god, makes me wish I had just gone into debt and bought a new MBP.

2. Like right now, I can make Lightroom work… unless I’m trying to import stuff then all bets are off. Why you gotta be like that, Lightroom?

3. SO, it stands that 2015 turns out to be the year all of the expensive things break and of course, of course, and a big ol raspberry to you.

4. Damn, like PCs have updates ALL. THE. TIME. What has happened since yesterday, you stupid machine?!

5. We have had what feels like unseasonably warm weather here in Michigan and it’s been kind of lovely – to go outside without a jacket in November? Yes please. I hate hot weather, but I will take 70 degrees over snow any time.

6. I gotta say, the middle finger emoji gets occasional use. In every skin tone. Because who knew I needed it more than I needed it more than I needed the taco emoji?

7. Resisting the Halloween candy is like a full time job that I’m not very good at.

8. I hated the Adele song the first time I listened to it and then I listened to it twelve more times and now I love it. Like the rest of the world.

9. The time change no  longer bothers me for the reason it did when my girls were younger (because now that they actually SLEEP, I do get my extra hour) but OH IT IS SO DARK SO EARLY and UGH.

10. I’ve seen a lot of stupidity shared on Facebook lately. WHile I know that I can be a jerk and very opinionated and very judgmental (not always, but yeah, it happens) – I usually utilize self censoring. WHY CAN’T EVERYONE ELSE?

1. You could get mad at the universe but it wouldn’t do much good because the universe don’t have time for your shizz, and just pull up your big girl panties and deal with life. Or something. I don’t know. I am trying so hard to breathe deep and make each day better than the day before – because I am at a point where I can be mad at the world or I can just plow through it and get stuff done. I have so much to be grateful for, so it may seem ridiculous for me to get mired so deeply in the muck – but make no mistake, finding out you’ve got some degenerative retinal condition that is ultimately going to rob you of your vision has an amazing capacity to make one bitchy.

2. And I know I could do better. Should do better. I know that I have not received a death sentence. I know that life just keeps on moving on. I know that there are people who are facing really HEINOUS AWFUL THINGS. But this is heinous and awful TO ME. And I get to be upset about it.

3. But not all the time. Because you know what? There’s still a lot to do in life besides feeling sorry for myself.

4. So, how about them people who play baseball? (I don’t watch baseball)

5. I am typing this on a MacBook that doesn’t really want to work anymore and ugh computer shopping – that should be fun, right? (Remember this is the year of the dying washing machine, dying refrigerator, blah blah blah.) SO over replacing the broken things. My wallet is so over replacing the broken things.

6. But there are books to read, and waffles to eat and sunsets to discover.

7. I am a work in progress. I am flawed. And somehow in the midst of all of that, I am still someone who is going to make things happen, who is going to do amazing things, who is going to SHINE. I don’t always feel that way. I usually don’t. I have to talk myself into talking myself into things.

8. As you might imagine, my brain is an interesting place these days. What a year it has been. What a year.

9. But on a positive note… there is a vibrant dendrobium orchid in a jelly jar on my dining table and it is beautiful.

10. Every little thing is gonna be alright.

1. My birthday is tomorrow and I am having a very hard time with it and that seems to be the way of the world but I don’t recall a birthday being quite this rough since 35 and 35 well, that was pretty brutal. This is no milestone year but it’s been a year that has tested me and I’m not sure how I feel about 39 yet, but 38 has been a bitch.

2. I’ve also been sick now for over a week and that has done nothing to improve my surly mood. The cough comes and goes and so does the runny nose and fever face. NO IT IS NOT A HOT FLASH.

3. Who’s already starting to look for matching Christmas pajamas? WE ARE. The girls and their cousins have worn matching jammies for the past few Christmas mornings and I LOVE IT – so, October 15. Shopping for Christmas pajamas.

4. ArtPrize has come and gone in Grand Rapids. Honestly? I love it for a week but much beyond that, I just want everyone to get out of my way and go home. I don’t even know what pieces won this year – but I know that there were very few pieces that made an impact on me this year – unlike last year’s winner – which took my breath away from the moment I saw it. This piece, below, was one that I really loved this year.

5. My netflix binges lately have been HGTV inspired – which is mostly because since giving up cable, all I really miss is HGTV and Food Network. So, we’ve all the episodes of all the Genevieve Gorder shows we can find. And I’m about to start in on Fixer Upper… with a bit of Throw Down with Bobby Flay on the side to change things up. I don’t even really miss live television, but I will if I ever get all caught up on the good stuff.

6. Dude. I just helped my eight grader with math homework.

7. I’m not saying she’s going to get the right answer.

8. I’m really trying very hard to keep my chin up lately. I have a big stack of library books to read. Reading helps – sometimes it’s nice to be in an imaginary world.

9. The girls and I had family pictures done a few weeks ago – I can’t wait to see them. It’s weird to be on the other side of the lens, and I’m… kind of terrified a bit to be on the other side of the lens.

10. Ah. Tomorrow is a new day. An older day. Sigh.