Thursday Ten: Cold Snap Edition

1. It warmed up. Then it got cold again. I knew it would because it always does but that brief bit of warmth has made the cold unbearable again even if the now cold is way warmer than the January cold. In essence, I’m back to being an early winter cold wuss instead of a seasoned end of winter grump. It’s better than it was but I could use some consistent spring warmth.

2. Thing I just googled: Travel to Spain. Thing I googled yesterday: Can your cell phone mess up your garage door?

3. There’s something clicky in my ankle when I move it just so. (So stop moving it like so, right?)

4. Last week’s need for retail therapy gave way to a bottle of Philosophy Purity cleanser because it smells good and I love Philosophy stuff, but if I’m going to be honest, I’m kicking myself for buying $30 cleanser. Pricewise, it’s probably on par with having purchased some type of cleanser in the grocery store (because the bottle is so big) but OH MY GOSH I HATE SPENDING MONEY.

5. And yet the need for retail therapy strikes me sometimes and it CANNOT BE CONTAINED.

6. Next week it will be April. Please note: I hate April Fools Day. I also hate when brands think they’re so cute by sending April Fools Promotion messages or trying to trick people and thinking they’re so funny. JOKE’S ON YOU, BRANDS, I HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

7. One of these days I’ll post about what it’s like to not try to build a photography business anymore (yes, I know, every week I mention something that I mean to blog about at a later date and then never do). I also know that most of us know what it’s like to not try to build a photography business. I know that I don’t miss it, necessarily – because I don’t have time to miss it – but I feel it keenly sometimes when I see photographers that aren’t that talented getting a lot of work. Am I the best out there? Not by a long shot. But there are people who hire people who do bad work and somehow they’re getting by. I dunno. Just… a thought.

8. I’m trying in earnest to get back to doing the Piyo workouts again because a) it truly works and b) I’ve been feeling less than fab about myself and needed a boost. I’ll do my fourth piyo workout of the week tonight after taking yesterday off because oohhhhh, muscle fatigue (gotta love it!). Sometimes it takes that achey feeling in your muscles to make you remember what you love about working out.

9. This year has been my worst year yet for March Madness brackets. It’s so bad even that I’ve just stopped looking. I have no idea whose in the Sweet 16. Is it over yet?

10. One of the best parts about writing my Thursday Ten post is knowing that Friday is right around the corner. So, Friday, I’m looking at you. Be here soon.

Thursday Ten: Getting Caught Up edition

1. They’ve said that it takes women somewhere in the neighborhood of five years to get financially caught up after their divorce but I am giddy that I finally have gotten rid of lingering “process-of-divorce” debt this week – yes, that credit card bill for the lawyer’s retainer fee is finally paid. Also, the dog’s very expensive emergency vet bill from back in the day. I kind of really hate credit cards and am not a “carry a balance” kind of person. So BIG-RED-LETTER-DAY. Boom.

2. The Princess and I only have four more episodes of Gilmore Girls left before we’re done with the entire series. It’s about time for a reunion right?

3. Nearly 65 degrees on Monday so I went for a long walk. Registered over 17,000 steps on my Fitbit – eight miles! – for the whole day. I’m ready for spring. Could sure use more days like that.
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4. Filled out my bracket yesterday. I almost didn’t – but we do an office March Madness thang so I figured I might as well. Not gonna tell you who I picked to win but I tell you, I think my streak of kicking butt at brackets ended last year so I’m not so optimistic. It’s okay. I’ll survive.

5. I am fighting off a cold. I think. I thought it was allergies but for the past day or so, I have felt the flames in my face of my body trying to fight a fever. Who has time to get sick? NOT THIS GIRL.

6. I can TOO call myself a girl. Even if I’m nearer to 40 than 30.

7. That moment when you want to treat yourself to something so you browse Sephora, Birchbox, Amazon, and yet… can’t. I’m not great at just randomly spending money, I guess. It’s the kind of week where I need retail therapy but I’m SO BAD AT IT.

8. I’m finally adjusting to the time change but I still think the time change thing is stupid.

9. Remember a week and a half ago when I wrote about how busy I was? There was supposed to be a follow up post. I’ve been too busy to write it.

10. Seems like it was just March 1st and now the month is about 2/3 over. Which means the first quarter of 2015 is nearly over. Whoo. Zippy year.

no need to ask me why i’m so tired.

Thursday, 10:41 p.m.

5,981 steps on the Fitbit. I give up with this day. I don’t think I’m gonna try to make it to 10,000 and I’m just going to have to be okay with that. Slather coconut oil on my face – not sure whether it will give me pimples or moisturize out my wrinkles but I’m trying it because supposedly coconut oil is supposed to solve the world’s problems and one my problems is wrinkles. Big stupid wrinkles. Attempting to read a book while internally debating whether or not I should go down to the laundry room to get the clean sheets out of the basket. I love tightly tucked in clean sheets. Laziness wins.

Thursday, 11:17 p.m.

Eyes are heavy. I’ve maybe read three pages of my book. At this rate, I’ll never finish it. Everyone’s telling me that they’ve read it in one day, two days. I can’t seem to read more than a page at a time. Message Chris goodnight – I have to stick a fork in this day. I’m tired.

Friday, 3:58 a.m.

Ugh. Why am I even awake?

Friday, 6:00 a.m.

The alarm on my Fitbit goes off but I’ve been awake for several minutes already. TGIF. Not sure why I can’t sleep well – I was up again between 4 a.m. and now. I know I’m going to be tired later.

Friday, 6:07 a.m.

Down the hall to wake up the kids. Holy crap, they’re both awake already? That never happens. It’s our Doughnut Day – so we have to be out the door by 6:45 or we’re gonna be late.

Friday, 6:15 a.m.

Check the weather app: 1 degree, -14 wind chill. Ugh. What do you even wear when it’s so cold? Back to the drawing board – and into the closet: LAYERS LAYERS LAYERS.

Friday, 6:27 a.m.

Ready to go and downstairs to hurry kids and to eat breakfast. I don’t like doughnuts so I get coffee when the girls and I go – this means I need to quick scarf down some breakfast. Mental note: remember to put money in Pumpkin’s hot lunch account.

Friday, 6:46 a.m.

Last night’s dishes are washed (I miss having a functioning dishwasher!) and the laundry is in the dryer. The Princess can’t find her flats that she needs to wear for her chorale festival today. I offer her mine – which she grudgingly steps into and then her eye spots her own flats tucked away. And…yep. We’re not getting out the door on time.

Friday, 7:02 a.m.

Getting out the door behind schedule means that now we’re stuck in the 7 a.m. Starbucks rush. The line in front of us is filled with teenagers ordering Frappucinos. It’s -14 out there, kids? WHY ARE YOU DRINKING MILKSHAKES? Then again, I spy a pair of cropped pants and boat shoes, so clearly if they’ve checked the weather app, they just absolutely don’t care. Teenagers. They’re not the sharpest sticks in the eye, are they?

Friday, 7:23 a.m.

Drop off the Princess at school – she’s supposed to get on a bus for festival in seven minutes so I’m not entirely late. Right? Gorgeous to watch the sun come up on the drive. Deep breath in. Snap a picture on the way. I’ll post it to Instagram once I get to work.

Friday, 7:33 a.m.

Pumpkin is back at home with my stepdad who will get her on the bus in an hour. I’m ON MY WAY. Hoping that there will be a new podcast to listen to on the drive, but all I have is 14 episodes of NPR Fresh Air, none of them catching my interest this morning.

Friday, 8:06 a.m.

Greeted this morning with an email that set me in motion and set my teeth on edge. Could well be a day of clock-watching (and not just because I’ve given myself this assignment of…watching the clock.)

Friday, 9:04 a.m.

Send Chris a good morning text. It’s one of my favorite rituals – to wish him a good morning and to message him goodnight at the end of the day. I usually say hi earlier than this. Gearing up for a 9:15 conference call – it was supposed to start at 9 but someone is stuck in traffic somewhere so… the train is now off the tracks.

Friday, 9:12 a.m.

Check email — ooh, World Market. Spanish Wine Sale. Mmmm. Wine. This DAY.

Friday, 9:59 a.m.

Quickly eat a granola bar at my desk after the conference call wraps up. Email my sister plans for tomorrow for my niece’s birthday. Next thing, next thing. Grammar check with a co-worker – subject/verb agreement can be tricky and I’m not trusting my brain anymore. Need to wrap this up so I can move on to drafting an invitation for a client event.

Friday, 10:13 a.m.

My coworker gives me a gold star. Probably because I’m not yet crying.

Friday, 11:19 a.m.

Just realized I missed a text the Princess sent 40 minutes ago. Ah, Mother of the Year. They did well at their Chorale Festival! Yay!

Friday, 11:28 a.m.

I’ve had to pee for about two hours now. Am I going to go? Maybe after I save this file and get it sent.

Friday, 11:44 a.m.

I give up. I can’t keep holding it. I’m going to give myself a bladder infection.

Friday, 12:23 p.m.

Drinking a chalky Special K Protein Shake while updating a client’s website. My Fitbit is showing 1,900 steps. I’ve hardly moved today. Talk through a project, vent a little. I think it may be time to walk away from my desk for awhile.

Friday, 12:34 p.m.

Coat, scarf, hat, gloves. Go for a walk. I don’t want to be outside, but I know the fresh air will help. Where on earth did the morning go? Spot a sign for my old employer and opt to not take a picture to send them for use on their social media sites – it was cool exposure. I’m sure they’re aware of it. They do get involved with some cool projects.

Friday, 1:24 p.m.

I’m at 6,608 steps. That’s more like it.I feel slightly less stubby and now I’m on the downhill slope of the day. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

Friday, 1:44 p.m.

Bless the coworker who brings in cookies.

Friday, 2:31 p.m.

“No one’s greater than you.” A client tells me that as we wrap up our call – not sure whether she means it or not, truly, but I’ll take it. I really do love to do good work and I’m glad when clients are happy with what I’ve done. We’ve been busting our butt to get a lot accomplished this week – them AND me – so sometimes, we need a win.

Friday, 3:01 p.m.

A west coast vendor delivered something that was completely wrong and then went to lunch. I need them to come back, to fix it. Email. Leave a voice mail. Have a minor heart attack.

Friday, 3:38 p.m.

Seriously, folks, come back from your lunch hour. Email a second person from the same company.

Friday, 4:06 p.m.

Oh my freakin’ goodness. It’s fixed. I’m not usually one to wig out on vendors – I like to be a good client – but that one was threatening to make me grouchy. Relax, Sarah. Eat another cookie.

Friday, 4:36 p.m.

Is there a limit to how many emails I can have open at once? So far…no. Daydreaming of eating potstickers for dinner with Pumpkin. The Princess will be at a friend’s so it’ll be just me and my youngest. I look forward to breathing again.

Friday, 5:11 p.m.

Out the door – but only because I need to get my hair cut at 5:30. No way I’ll get there on time. My laptop in tow, I’m sure I’ll be working again later.

Friday, 5:45 p.m.

Of course I’m late. I made the mistake of having someone different cut my hair last time. I hate it. Lesson learned. Never stray from good hair people.

Friday, 6:25 p.m.

Get home and scramble for a picture of the day before it gets dark outside. Not a whole lot of luck. Order Chinese food. Whoooohooo! I’m up to 7,506 steps. I may just make it after all. Eat a slice of stale beer bread while logging into work laptop. I barely left an hour ago but I need to get some information to a client. This is why my hair is gray. I miss Chris. This week has been a tough one and days are better when I get to see him. Updating Inbox. Those words are scary. Will it be one message or dozens? Fortunately… just a handful.
275 | 365 - March 6, 2015

Friday, 7:11 p.m.

Home with dumplings and the shoes are FINALLY off. The dog ate Pumpkin’s Thirty-One thermal lunch tote so before we can eat, I need to resolve the tantrum AND message a friend who sells Thirty-One to see if by chance she’s got any replacement totes on hand that I could buy.

Friday, 8:25 p.m.

A friend texts from Opryland and I miss all of my bloggy friends. Logging off the work laptop for the night and would love to be sharing margaritas with them. Pumpkin is watching a movie while I work. I cave and FINALLY make my bed. Clean sheets. There’s something to look forward to at the end of this day. Sit with my kiddo on the sofa.

Friday, 8:58 p.m.

Text from The Princess. The next door neighbor is coming over to pick up her frosting piping tip. Can I go look for it? I find it.

Friday, 9:44 p.m.

Whoa. Kiddo is sleeping. Can it be…that this day is almost over? Let the dog out one last time for the night and grab my laptop and head upstairs. I fell asleep watching episode 3 of House of Cards the other night. May be time to try again.

Friday, 10:23 p.m.

Oh Universe, what are you even trying to tell me? Run a bath and the water’s lukewarm. After two minutes, I just…couldn’t do it. Too cold. Sigh. Sometimes the water is scalding, sometimes, lukewarm. I give up. Pajamas on, Netflix on, and jogging in place to hit 10,000. I got there. Didn’t think I would.  I think…I give up. May just let the lull of Kevin Spacey’s lazy southern drawl put me to sleep. Crawl in bed, headphones on, House of Cards episode 3.

Friday, 11:23 p.m.

Time to wash my face. Brush my teeth. Attempt to get rid of wrinkles with a layer of coconut oil. What a day. Thinking of all I didn’t do today – I never did put lunch money in Pumpkin’s account. I forgot to call my ENT to get a copy of my medical records. The dishes from dinner are still sitting in the sink. I meant to clean off my chipped nail polish. But I made it. I made it though the day. Can’t wait to lay my head on this pillow and nestle in my clean sheet tightly-tucked burrito bed.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Thursday Ten: Thoughts Are A-Brewing edition

1. I’ve had a lot of post ideas in my head again – and yet I have not been able to put the proverbial pen to paper (fingers to keyboard) to get them out. I’m not just talking about “Was the dress gold and white or black and blue?” but actual real things that have been in my head lately – things related to work and life and the balance of the two and being a part of a larger conversation that seems to be taking place around me. It’s hard, sometimes, to write those things because I’m torn between the need to share my thoughts and be authentic and the need to not express anything that could be misconstrued and have real consequences. It is a fear when writing anything related to work and i try always to be very measured in how I express anything even remotely related.

2. It is possible to like your job and the people you work for and have bad days sometimes. That’s why I try to be very careful about venting on those difficult days – because one of those days when you’ve had conference calls out the wazoo and frustration could be misinterpreted. (Note: I do NOT love conference calls and you can’t make me.)

3. A trip to Chicago this weekend was a welcome breath of fresh (and glacially cold) air. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery though the toughest thing about going out of town was coming home. My girls were with their dad and coming home after work on Monday – to an empty house – after spending a weekend amongst friends was very tough. BUT CHICAGO! I love Chicago. Also, I managed to rack up my Fitbit steps in record time on Saturday afternoon, so there’s that.
270 | 365 - March 1, 2015

4. Now that it’s March (whoohoo!!), I’m even more eager for winter to get on its merry little way and mosey on out of here. I know better than to think that it’ll be spring any time soon – and even with temperatures in the 40s forecasted for next week, i know that this can’t possible be OVER yet. (I wish it were over.)

5. House of Cards season three. As much as I want to just binge and watch it start to finish, Chris and I stalled on episode three – mainly due to a combination of lack of time and travel exhaustion that made me fall asleep midway through episode three. Perhaps this weekend I’ll get caught up.

6. That sheepish moment when you have to text your hair stylist to let her know that you had someone else cut your hair and you really really hate it and that you’re sorry and NEVER AGAIN will you stray to someone else’s scissors. Sigh. I should have known better than to trust my curly layers to anyone else.

7.I miss really long walks in the sunshine. Really long walks without frostbite or snow. Without a coat and gloves and a hat. Spring. I need spring.

8. The thing about winter is that it is sucking the life out of me and making me older and wrinklier and more tired.

9. I really miss my kids when they’re not here. While it does allow for me to do things like to go to Chicago for the weekend, the thing is – I’m really used to having my daughters around me. And I like it. Even if they don’t like to clean. When they’re not here, there’s definitely a piece of me missing

10. I got a charley horse type thing in my foot last night. Darn near thirty minutes of not being able to unclench my foot. What a feeling. A not – good feeling.

Thursday Ten: I can’t paint my nails without making a mess edition

1. It’s been a bizarre week for me – work has been busy and life has been busy and my brain has been busy and the week started with celebrating National Margarita Day and here we are rolling into Thursday and I’m just relieved that there’s another Friday in sight – and that February is almost over because really, February is never any good.

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2. I painted my nails Tuesday night. By Wednesday, I had chipped most of the polish off two nails. And then when I tried again, I smudged my top coat – and this is why i love gel manicures even though I know THEY ARE SO BAD FOR YOU. I have two sheets of Jamberrys I could use also – but I didn’t feel like cutsey chevron nails – I wanted some sass (Incognito in Sausalito is my color du jour. Until I eff it up again.)

3. The Princess’s gymnastics schedule means that she’s 100% wiped out when she gets home from the gym and oh boy I am not a fan of over-homework-tears at 9 p.m. Last night’s ordeal involved glue that wouldn’t glue and pipe cleaners that wouldn’t stick.

4. You want my opinions about vaccines, don’t you?

5. The problem with thumbs is that you use them for so much stuff that that’s where the nail polish gets most messed up. Darn thumbs.

6. I’ve been slogging through a miserable book and now a really sad book and I just want to finish these and get on to something good. Gut wrenching sobs in this sad book I’mr easing now, and I still just wish the damn things was over so I could move on to something, possibly with less death.

7. Today is my Friday. I have immense guilt over taking a day off. I’m entitled to days off. I am entitled to several and yet, guilt. I may have workaholic tendencies. It’s funny – because at the end of the work day – I’m ready to get home and have the next half of my day begin – but vacation days, days off – those are tough for me.

8. I just spent two minutes reading an article about how a beef shortage is impacting prices at Chipotle. (Chicken tacos 4 lyfe)

9. I am so tired of the cold weather. Bone chilling cold temperatures have gotten me down. Granted the commute has been easy, once I get past the fact that I’m getting into a really cold car. Two pair of socks is the norm – as is two scarves. Boots on most days, even if there’s no snow, because they’re warmer than regular shoes. So tired of being cold. Eff off February.

10. I bought three different long sleeve white tees this weekend and I don’t know that I realized i was doing it. I mean, I knew I needed white tees, but I guess I didn’t realize I bought three. Guess I’ll be all set for awhile?

Thursday Ten: I Can’t Feel My Toes edition

1. I know that I’ve said that I would far rather have the brutal cold than the snow – but OH MY GOSH IT IS SO COLD AND FRANKLY IT’S JUST GETTING RUDE. Negative wind chills equal negative Sarah.
259 | 365 - February 18, 2015


2. I’ve been watching a lot of Celebrity Apprentice on OnDemand lately (NO, I haven’t gotten around to canceling my cable yet) and I have to say: a) being a Project Manager is some tough stuff (I know because THAT IS WHAT I DO) and b) it’s interesting how little some celebrities know about business. Also, to go even a step further – it is mind boggling how poorly some people treat other people. I see that in the “real world” and not just on the show, but holy hell people: just be nice. (Also? I’m rooting for Leeza Gibbons. Man, this lady knows her stuff. And she’s likable.)

3. Okay. I’m going to use another number for this: How is Geraldo still even remotely relevant? And Ian Ziering? What the hell is he even about? Okay. I’m done.

4. The Princess is currently making a mega movie list – flicks on Netflix to watch with her friends. What a list. I think it’d be a fun trip down memory lane to watch half these movies. I mean Clueless? Yes please.

5. Yesterday was National Drink Wine Day. Sunday is National Margarita Day. It’s like someone was planning this stuff and realized that February needed a little bit of help to make it suck less.

6. And boy does it suck. I cannot believe we’re over halfway through the month – which is good – but the cold weather coupled with some snow and yuck and February is never really my favorite anyway.

7. I didn’t read 50 Shades of Gray. And I won’t go see the movie. Know what else? I’m not going to write a blog post devoted to why I won’t read the book or see the movie because frankly, go see it or don’t, read it or don’t. My opinions on the matter don’t count for anyone but me. And frankly, I don’t have enough to say about it on my own – so it wouldn’t even be worth clicking through to read what I would have to say about it. But I find it obnoxious that people who aren’t seeing the movie or reading the book are more than happy to springboard from them for the almighty page view. I think that’s almost just as bad.

8. My next door neighbor snow-blowed (snow-blowered?) my driveway yesterday. I’ve always heard people talk about their nice neighbors who do stuff like that but that’s NEVER happened to me. Until yesterday! How lovely to come home to a clean drive? It truly made my day! There really ARE people who do nice things like that!

9. What do you even wear when the windchill is so far below zero? I mean, you can’t really get warm anyway – so do you even really try? Brrr. (I tried to wear a pair of cuddle duds under my jeans on Sunday – I was warm but holy moley wearing two pairs of pants was excruciating. Uncooperative Waistbands is my fake band name)

10. At this time next year, I better be on a vacation. I can’t do another February in Michigan.

 

Thursday Ten: I Think the Cheetos are Gone edition

1. The Princess brought Cheetos home after she spend the night at a friend’s house last weekend and I’ve managed to steer clear of the delightful artificially cheesy goodness, and now that I REALLY REALLY WANT THEM… I think they’re gone.

2. The thing about agency type work is that for every day you feel like a genius at the top of your game, there are two where you feel like the biggest idiot who ever walked the planet (no? Just me?). I’m approaching my one year anniversary at this job and while I definitely feel like I’ve found my sea legs, there are days when I go home feeling deflated. Yesterday was one – there’s a lot to do and I want to keep working to get things done, but I need to shift gears and be mom too. While I can often manage to resist turning on my work laptop once I’m home for the day, I’m usually handwriting copy that needs to get done. I think better with pen and paper and I can still feel like I’m accomplishing a bit more before the day ends. Perhaps next week will be less chaotic.

3. I found the cheetos.

4. How many times a year do I decide that I need to get healthier again and dig out the Nike Training Club app? Oh? Several. Alrighty then. (Yeah, I went from cheetos to “healthy” – why do you ask?)

5. After a week of sickness, it’s nice to see Pumpkin back to her normal self this week. Appetite is back to normal and bickering with her sister levels are normal too. So thrilled.

6. I’m currently reading a memoir written by a former drug addict and I’m wondering just how he supposedly remembers all of these events in such fine tuned detail when he was supposedly tweaked out of his mind on crack. Perhaps I should just consider it fiction-ish.

7. I can tell when I’m feeling really burned out when I want to comment truthfully on everyone’s Facebook status.

8. Yay! West Michigan in getting a Trader Joe’s! (In, like 2016). I want to get excited but the fact that it’s going to be darn near a whole year before it happens makes enthusiasm kind of tough.

9. I miss taking real pictures. Spring, please come.

10. Last weekend I filed my taxes, cleaned my house, and apparently turned into an old lady. What happened to having fun on the weekends?

Thursday Ten: No More Vomit edition

1. Monday morning, Pumpkin woke me up at 4 a.m. – she didn’t feel well, and she promptly ran to my bathroom and got sick. She very nearly made it all the way to the toilet before throwing up. With the snowy road conditions I was able to stay home with her and then on Tuesday she seemed fine. Yesterday, it wasn’t until right before I left for work that she told me she’d thrown up at 4 a.m. again. She just didn’t wake me up. “I wanted you to get your sleep, mom.” Sweet, indeed, especially since vomit grosses me out, but OH THE GUILT of knowing my girl was awake and sick and didn’t tell me.

2. As my kids get older I wonder sometimes what to share, what to omit. Is vomit an overshare? I don’t know. I’m figuring it’s safe. It’s winter. Most of her fourth grade class is sick. Everybody vomits.

3. Sunday throughout the day to Monday morning, we got hammered, snow wise. Couldn’t make it to work Monday morning because even without the sick child, there was no way I could get out of my driveway without a lot of shoveling. A LOT of shoveling. It took me several trips outside, probably a combined total of at least two hours of slinging snow. Days later, my arms, my shoulders, my back – all of those torso muscles ACHE.
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4. Anyway, it should just go without saying that I am OH SO OVER WINTER. And you can give me -10 degree weather if it means that it won’t be freaking snowing. I especially hate winter driving and have found that the thought of driving in it just stresses me out so tremendously. A few weeks ago, someone was aggressively tailgating me through a particularly bad stretch of snowy roads. And recently – there was an accident in that same spot. WHY? Because IT IS NOTORIOUSLY SLUSHY AND ICY AND ROTTEN. People drive like idiots when the weather is like this – and it’s hard enough to just keep myself safe without worrying about what some other moron is going to do by driving like an asshole.

5. As I type this, my dog has excessive gas and I’m thoroughly grossed out. (Hey why not? We’ve already talked about barf, so, you know… gas was the obvious next step.)

6. When you have two appointments in one week it’s easy to get knocked off kilter which is what happened to last week’s post. I started to write it. I got stressed out. I didn’t finish writing. There’s probably a post in there, but anyway, here I am. I am stressed and I am also trying to be better at just staying in this moment where I am rather than let myself get ten steps ahead. I’m a worrier, so, you being in the moment isn’t my forte, but, I’m trying.

7. Consistently hitting 10,000 steps a day with my FitBit is a small pleasure but it makes me insanely happy. I can’t wait until the weather warms up and I can get more of those steps outside rather than jogging in place in front of my television.

8. With my addiction to Serial (which I’m done with until Season 2 comes out), I’ve become a bit of a podcast junkie. Do you have any faves? Love that “Dear Sugar” is a podcast now, hate that it’s not nearly as frequent as I would like.

9. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. I’ve been hearing that phrase since I was a kid probably and I still find that most people just can’t really own up to that – taking responsibility for the timing of things. Sometimes stuff happens and it isn’t a lack of planning, it’s a curveball. But MAN when it’s a lack of planning on someone else’s part that manages to turn MY life topsy turvy? Pffft. It makes for the crankiest of Sarahs.

10. SuperBowl. Commercials. Extreme suckage. While the Nationwide commercial wasn’t a trigger for me, I’m wondering who on earth thought that was the time or place for that message, and the rest of the messages were mostly just so so. I guess when the pattern is to leak everything before hand, who actually wants to PAY THOSE RATES and advertise during the game. psh. But at least we get a football break for awhile. And hopefully a Katy Perry break also.

 

Thursday Ten: Ice and Cold and It’s Winter Edition

BLEH.

1. I think we all know that this is the time of year that I struggle with the most. I hate cold weather. I hate winter driving. I hate paying my energy bill. I hate that I can’t work out outside.I hate that my car is nearly white now from salt remnants. Yesterday it was -13 degrees when I woke up – and that’s without taking the wind chill into account (actually, the wind chill was also -13, so I guess it could have been worse? What am I even saying anymore?).

2. One of the things I did to just after Christmas is to buy a Nest Learning Thermostat – I had a programmable thermostat before but I’m hopeful that I can further cut energy expenses by better programming my schedule and the ability to set the thermostat as “Away” when I’m not at home. In just a few short weeks, I have noticed that my January 2015 bill reflects less energy usage than my 2014 bill, but there are other variables that could factor in — so I’ll be looking forward to next month’s bill (WHAT DID I JUST SAY?) just to see. Am I nerd’ing out about my energy bill? Only a little. So far.

218 | 365 - January 8, 2015

3. I have been grateful that with the rough roads last week, that I was able to carpool with my mom. Last winter’s car accident has made me even more cautious and I find that driving on icy roads just stresses me the hell out. A storm brought in truly brutal weather last Friday – which resulted in a nearly 200-car pile up near Kalamazoo. Fortunately, I was at home, working at my dining table (and NOWHERE NEAR THE HIGHWAY!), but oy. Stupid winter. Though this week has brought in some very very cold temperatures, I have to admit, I’ll take the bitter cold over the snow and ice. At least my commute is a smooth one and I have coffee to warm me.

4. Chris and I finally finished listening to Serial over the weekend and… well, gosh. I’m not sure WHAT I think. I have gone back and forth and around and around and well, I won’t spoil any of it here – but if you have listened to the series, leave me a comment letting me know what you think. Did Adnan kill Hae? Do you think Jay lied? And what do you think Serial has up its sleeve for Season Two? I admit, I am SO hooked.

5. I got my hair cut last week – had several inches cut off and I have hair cut remorse. I wanted a change. I wanted a noticeable difference. And. I got it and now I want my hair back.

216 | 365 - January 6, 2015

6. My dog has been seriously smelly the past few days and as much as I don’t want to dedicate any of this post to heinous dog farts, it’s pretty bad and he deserves some public blog shaming for whatever he did that is making him smell this way.

7. Pumpkin won her class spelling bee and then went on to compete in the school bee and was out in the first round. It’s a really interesting and terrifying thing, as a parent, to watch your kids do these kinds of things – because on one hand, I didn’t care if she won or not because I was so dang proud already, but on the other hand, I knew that no matter when she was out of the game, that it would be tough for her. And yeah, it really as. She held it together fairly well, but I could see that she was discombobulated. She said later, “I knew that it was good just that I got in but my eyes were still trying to cry even if I knew inside that it was okay.” As much as any sort of “failure” is no fun – I have to say that she handled it was grace – acknowledging that it was tough and that it was no fun, but that she ultimately is okay. Sigh. Learning experiences. Whee?

8. Still watching Gilmore Girls with The Princess every evening – and it remains one of my favorite rituals. Still hate Jess. Rory has just finished her first year of college. Lorelai just opened the inn. I’m glad that there were so many seasons so that our binge still has a while longer to go.

9. And we’ll go from the Gilmore Girls to Parenthood in its last season and still making me cry and what on earth happened to Lauren Graham’s face? (Oh. I just googled. She’s 48. I guess I’m just not used to seeing people age on television. I’m sorry that I made fun of her face.)

10. The thing about the environmentally friendly lightbulbs (besides their horrifyingly unflattering yellow glow) is that they’re all dying at the same time. I NEED REPLACEMENT LIGHTBULBS, STAT.

 

Aloha, 2014. Aloha, 2015.

295 | 365

I wasn’t sure what to expect last year at this time. 2013 was truly a struggle and I felt every pang of it in the core of my being by the time December rolled around. I felt so defeated – and then along comes January and my part time job was cut altogether and my job hunt, already pretty aggressive, became frenzied. I cried a lot in January. I busted my ass interviewing and applying for jobs and networking, all the while training my former coworkers… and crying a lot.

I didn’t have much hope for 2014. I didn’t.

I had my kids, I had Chris,  my family —  but I was sure that I’d be living in a cardboard box somewhere by the time the snow finally thawed in spring.

I was pretty angry at 2014 already.

(I got a new nephew in the midst of the job hunt. It was a saving grace, for sure.)

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My expectations for the year were pretty low.

I don’t mind saying that – they were low. I just wanted to survive this year.

Instead, i feel like… I may be on my way to more than just getting by.

A new job, a paycheck, routine.

An unexpected need for a new car (love my Prius, hate my car payment)

It was a step forward, two back.

But here at the end of it I think – I am doing this. I can do this.

-

They say it takes a woman five years after a divorce to get back on her feet financially. I’m not sure who they is, but a former co-worker told me that statistic, said it was true for her when going through her divorce. It hasn’t been five years, but I’m hopeful that 2015 is the year that I wipe out any doubt that I can get back on my feet, that I will stand on my own two feet. I hope to finish paying off all that stuff that accumulated during those first few months (the debt made worse by a thousand dollar vet bill from the night that my dog barfed and barfed and barfed for so many hours, over and over, that I ended up at the emergency vet ready to give them all of my money that I didn’t have just so they could make my dog well again).

Yeah. All of that. It’s almost gone.

I did it.

Without all of the love and encouragement I received from the people who love me, I don’t know that things would have gone as they did. But I was lifted and carried and encouraged and embraced during the darkest moments and somehow along the way, I found light.

-

I still have a ways to go.

But now I believe I can get there.

I am grateful that 2014 was gentler on me than the previous year.

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What are my hopes for 2015?

I don’t dare to have big hopes – not because I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and for things to turn to crap – but because I still don’t know how to think bigger than one foot in front of the other.

Last year at this time, I was in deprivation mode – fearful of spending money, fearful of losing everything. Yesterday, I impulsively ordered three pair of yoga pants in an Old Navy athletic wear sale. I probably won’t lose sleep over the purchase, either. That’s…huge. It may not sound huge, but compared to the fear that enveloped me earlier in the year, it’s really freaking huge.

I will keep working towards those moments of smoothing out the rough edges – of finding peace where I’ve been stressed, of breathing easy when I once was filled with chaos.

I’ll try to drink more water. Exercise consistently. Find a bit more peace with my body even though hey, I’m aging and I don’t super love the effect it’s having on my waistline. I’ll continue to love my Fitbit and strive to hit my step goal more often than not. I’ll aim to officially set aside money to travel – I don’t know that travel is in the stars for 2015 – but I want to start making plans for travel. I would love to make it a point to spend more time with friends – it’s tough – my schedule is chaos and most of my friends are moms – it’s hard to find time to connect, but I’ve realized lately that I’ve missed that – missed having time to talk with friends and maybe I need to redefine what that time looks like – perhaps it’s not, let’s go out for dinner – perhaps it’s come sit on my couch and talk awhile, you bring the wine and I’ll bake some cookies. I was able to spend time with friends this year – but… not enough. I live in a town that makes me feel isolated, and I need to push through that – because the town isn’t going to change, so I must. I want more of what was good in 2014 – so I hope 2014 has a trip to Traverse City in the stars, perhaps a new bottle of something great that we’ll bring home to share.

In 2015, I’ll turn 39.

I’m gonna have to come to grips with the age thing. Or start. Because holy hell, 40 is coming and I have a feeling I will need more than a year to steel myself against the punch in the face I’m afraid 40 is going to be.

But this is supposed to be a positive thing. So.

I have my eyes open to 2015. I have no idea what is ahead, only that I am allowing myself to feel hope again and that is encouraging to me, and that makes my heart feel better coming into a new year than I have felt in awhile.

I’m still scared of what’s ahead – I think that’s just my nature – but I also believe that I can overcome any of the bad stuff — and I’m starting to let myself believe that maybe it won’t all be bad.

There’s something good up ahead for me.

I’m going to try to let myself believe it.

Goodbye 2014.

Hello 2015. I’m looking forward to getting to know you.

-

“In Hawaii, don’t they use aloha for like, hello and goodbye?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So if you’e on the phone with somebody and they won’t stop talking how do you get them off because you say, “Okay take care, aloha’ don’t they start over again?”