Archives for July 2017

To My Daughter On Her 12th Birthday

Dear Pumpkin,

Twelve years ago this morning, I woke up in the early morning hours feeling less than great. Not long after that, a speedy car ride to the hospital ensued and then less than four hours after waking up, and less than two hours in the hospital even – you were in my arms. Oh how quickly it went, how soon you were there. HOW EARLY IN THE MORNING IT WAS.

Twelve years later, you’re finally sleeping in. That’s some progress, right? Partly, I think that’s the tween years setting in – and partly because we stay up too late. Often times during the school year, I’m waking you up at the crack of dawn and you’re wanting to sleep a little bit more – and whoa, after all of these years with you being such an early bird, I never thought that would happen.

You are an artist. You love to draw, paint, sketch. You have a good eye, but no patience. You can get frustrated when executing your vision is a challenge. You’ll sketch and erase and sketch again to get it right. I admire that and am amazed by your skill, even if you don’t appreciate just how good you are.

You are so smart. You think analytically and critically in ways that most people don’t – and I know that it means most people just aren’t on your level, which is probably not the way you want to feel when  you’re in middle school – but some day, have mercy, you are going to create some magic in this world with that brain.

You love animals. You love the planet. Your dad cut down a tree a few weeks ago and you were so angry at him. You put on your Mother Earth shirt and for awhile, according to your sister, you were very upset.

Your first year of middle school ended with straight As which was pretty awesome for a first year! You loved some of your classes. Others, not so much. But you adapted well to the idea of changing classes, multiple teachers, and figuring out how lockers work.

You love theater and musicals. You just wrapped up a week at musical theater camp and you love it. Not only do you love theater, but theater kids are YOUR PEOPLE. I wish we had a better bunch of theater kids around here, because that’s what you need. That’s your tribe. You tried out for the musical this winter and you didn’t get a part, and I thought that was so rotten, and I was so irritated. (I still am, when I think about it) You were crushed at the news, and I was crushed for you – it’s something you love so much and wanted so eagerly to be a part of. [The director sucks. I’m not supposed to say that, but I’m saying that because this is my letter to you and it’s probably not HER birthday. Also: I really think she sucks.]

You’re a brilliant writer. You make me laugh and I love the way your brain works. You just started a blog and I’m curious where you go with it. Maybe someday you’ll be writing letters for ME on MY birthday.

I am fascinated and amazed by you and still worry about your tender heart and how you wear it on your sleeve and I imagine that will always be a worry of mine for all of my days because you are so open with your feelings and I fear the pain that can come from being so tender. I wouldn’t change a thing about you for the world, but oh how I wish the world was kinder to the free spirits and dreamers and creatives, like you.

I am so excited to celebrate you. To celebrate the day I first held you in my arms. To celebrate another year of you. I hope twelve treats you well. This is the last year before you’re a (GASP) teenager. I cannot believe how fast the time flies. I’m so privileged to be your momma. If life is a merry-go-round, I’m so glad to be on it with you and your sister.

I love you with my whole heart and I am so lucky to be your momma.

Love you lots and lots of tater tots,

Momma

Thursday Ten: Somehow it’s july edition

  1. I mean, really. July. How did that freaking happen. We already had the fourth of July and the week long annoyance of fireworks every night. It’s very nearly MID-JULY. Where is time going?
  2. I’m in the midst of week two of my half marathon training. Already I am seeing a massive difference in the two programs, and mostly in terms of the amount of miles I’m running. The downside is that though I’m racking up miles, they’re slow. This humidity doesn’t help my pace at all.
  3. I hit a record for the most miles run in a month in June. I’m on track to beat it in July. (Who am I?)
  4. Why does Netflix tell me three times to watch “Glow” and never thought to tell me there was another season of Grey’s to catch up on? (Anyway, totally been bingeing on Greys)
  5. Today I go to get my first mammogram. It’s just a routine exam because I’m (gasp) 40 years old now, and though the doctor ordered the test back in March I’m just now getting around to it. Apparently I can’t wear deodorant so I’m super stoked for the people in my office today. That should be fun given how hot it’s been outside…(I’m bringing body wipes. The thought of walking around all day with stinky arm pits makes me cringe.)
  6. I’m averaging less than six hours of sleep a night this week and I am FEELING it.
  7. My kids are with their dad this week so I literally ate peanut butter toast and cookies for dinner and I don’t really know how to force myself to cook for just myself. Seems a huge waste of time.
  8. One hundred days ago, I started a special photo project and it ended yesterday and after one hundred days of color I’ve gotta say… it was cool but I’m glad to only have one project going on right now. TWO is too many.
  9. There’s a stack of laundry to fold that just keeps growing every day. I don’t want to fold laundry. Ever.
  10. I just wish I could write more. I keep saying I want to but the fact is, I feel like a bit of a mess lately. There’s just too much going on. And this truly seems to be as much time as I can find to write. I remember when I used to write more, when it used to be such a big part of my life. I’m sad that it’s not anymore because I want it to be.