Archives for 2017

Thursday Ten: Another Half edition

  1. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. After a ten mile race in September, my shin splints went on overdrive and it huuuurt. I started physical therapy and basically put the kibosh on any significant miles in a concerted effort to let my leg rest and heal to prep for the Grand Rapids Half Marathon. It wasn’t pretty, but this Sunday, the day before my 41st birthday, I did it. I finished my second half marathon.
  2. It rained the whole time – and so it was pretty rough. My leg did start hurting again, and from the rain and mud puddles, I felt blisters (and I may well lose a toenail – sigh). I felt like a drowned rat. I pushed on.
  3. The last message I got from my brother before he died was a Facebook comment of how he was proud of me, proud of everything I do… and it was important for me to finish this race – for him. As the rain splashed down and the wind blew so hard, I looked up at the sky and thought to myself that it would figure that he would make it challenging for me. I didn’t quit. I didn’t give up. I kept going. And I so much hope he was proud of me still, somehow.
  4. It doesn’t get any easier to type or say those words – that he’s died. That he’s not here.
  5. My birthday was Monday and it was terrible. I know that was such a bummer to the people who care about me, that I was so bummed about my birthday but I had no spirit for it this year. At work they asked me if I had any big plans, and I said, “Welp, gonna go pick up my kid from gymnastics eventually.”
  6. When you run in the rain for a half marathon…eventually you’ll catch a cold. Apparently.
  7. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I want to close my eyes and wake up and have all the things that need doing be done.
  8. Next race on the calendar? Ragnar in 2018. My bucket list race. Gotta get these shin splints gone first, though.
  9. Sometimes I feel guilty talking about other things. That people will think I’ve forgotten.
  10. I cannot believe that it’ll be winter soon. Then Christmas. A new year. Where the hell did 2017 go?

Life Lessons Learned in Grief, Part 2

I have been to two memorial services in three days and I have spent far more time in churches this week than I have all year… probably. And yes, two memorial services for my brother – so if you can imagine the feeling of repeatedly scraping off the scab of a new wound with a cheese grater, that’s pretty much what it’s been like.

And it’s worse because of the previously mentioned terrible things people have done in the name of “honoring” my brother.

I can’t pretend to understand – because while I am conflict avoidant to the core, I am also a believer in doing what’s right. I fail sometimes, I know that… but at my core, I genuinely don’t want to be a screw up. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to be vindictive and awful. I feel like I saw so much of that dark side of people. And what’s worse, I think some absolutely didn’t know or realize the level to which they were sinking. The older I get, the less of a screw up I become. Can’t say that’s true for everyone. Apparently.

So, here are some more life lessons for you – the general you – based on the clusterflugel of the past two weeks:

Sometimes there’s no substitute for an actual CONVERSATION

Yeah, I get it – I rarely use my iPhone as an actual phone and will avoid it if at all possible… but there are some discussions too big for text. Text doesn’t always convey tone, intent, or meaning — and there’s a lot of room for misunderstanding if you’re not careful. Sometimes it’s essential to pick up the phone and DISCUSS things instead of blurbing at one another.

You go off making unilateral decisions that impact people and YES they’re gonna be pissed

Again. Discussions. Discussions. Discussions. Some of the biggest moments of anger came from one person making decisions that impacted all of us. There was no need for that. Had people come together, had conversations, the likelihood of that happening would have been smaller. There were moments of near rage because of things like this. I had thought families would come together when times were tough – and I found that nope, that’s not always true.

Speeches scrawled on a legal pad at midnight are just as meaningful

I wanted to write my speech for the service far earlier than I did. I had a draft in my documents for days. Literally, I just MEANT to do it… and then it was midnight last night. I literally scrawled my speech while drinking bad wine and eating Cool Ranch Doritos. I could barely read my writing today – my hands were sweaty and my nose was running. I didn’t make it through without crying – but every word came right from my heart… even if it wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever written. I wrote love.

I need to just show up

I have done friendship all wrong. I really have. I can name a zillion times when a friend was likely grieving and I wasn’t there for them in a way that would have been useful to them. And I’m so sorry for that, because I just had no idea what a difference it truly makes when people just show up and do the thing. What thing? Whatever thing you have to give. It doesn’t have to be big, it really doesn’t. My sister’s sister-in-law helped us a ton putting together photo boards – even running to get more prints made when we couldn’t get to a store. That was huge, it was helpful, and it made life easier. She didn’t ask what we needed – she was just there.

Ban the words “Let me know if there’s anything I can do” from your vocabulary

I’ve said it before because I haven’t known what to say but odds are, no one will ask you for anything because they don’t really know what the heck they need. My brain has been swiss cheese for a week. I couldn’t tell you what could be done to help – I truly had no idea. Still don’t.

Grief Pizza is a thing

Because you can’t just drink away your sorrows, sometimes you can drown them in pizza.

Get together and celebrate when something good happens

We’ve had three deaths in my family within the last six months. I’m not even kidding – it’s been rough. I’ve seen my family A LOT. At funerals. I want to see them when there’s something joyful going on. We all talked today at the luncheon after the service: we have GOT to plan something and soon. Otherwise, too much time will go by, and we’ll be there again… coming together under less than joyous circumstances. And that stinks.

I don’t like sandwiches on hamburger buns

Who thought that was a good idea?

It was a beautiful celebration today, even though it was sad too. But the past two weeks have been so hard. I’m so tired. I’m… still just perplexed by some of the things people said, did… I don’t know that I’ll ever understand, really. Maybe I should stop trying to.

Life Lessons Learned in Grief – Part 1, Probably

It’s been just over a week since I learned that my brother died. My mom called me at work last Tuesday morning and when I didn’t answer, she texted a panicked message and so I ducked out of my office into the hallway to call her back.

“Come home,” she sobbed into the phone. And so I went, grabbing my computer, piles of work, and stopping by my coworker’s desk to quickly prep him for a conference call he would have to do without me shortly after that.

My mind was racing as I drove. And when my sister responded to a text, I knew that she was fine. In my heart, I knew then that it was my brother.

He died in his sleep, they say.

I am not new to loss. My grandfather died several years ago and it was a tremendous gut punch. I was in the hospital room with my family when my grandmother died just over a year ago. My mom lost both of her brothers earlier this year. Death has been a familiar road for my family in recent years, but this has been so different.

He was two years older than me, so he’s been around all my life. When you sort through the pictures from those first few years, we were inseparable.

I am not sure how old we were when I realized he was different. He was in the hospital quite a lot when we were kids. I remember one year I was in a school spelling bee – and none of my family came. My mom had been at the hospital with my brother, and then later when she took my sister to the pharmacy to run an errand, my sister had a seizure in the store and then she went to a different hospital. I think our next door neighbor was called to pick me up and take me home.

I got second place in that spelling bee, by the way. (I would later bomb miserably by misspelling “skittish” at the Contra Costa County Spelling Bee.)

But for my whole life, I have been his sister. And now he is gone. In recent years, his health issues have been so severe that there were times we were afraid of what might come – and then he healed. He was back to his normal self. He was fine.

That didn’t happen this time. Out of nowhere, it seems. He’s just gone. We didn’t get to say goodbye.

So here’s what I have learned so far:

Grief makes people stupid.

A lot of people can’t handle grief. It turns them into insufferable humans. Oddly, I didn’t know that until this week. So many people have said to me, “Grief brings out the worst in people” and enough people have said it that it must truly be a universal thing… so I’ve gotta say: If you’re one of those people who handles your feelings by lashing out at other people and making life miserable, well then perhaps you may need to learn a thing or two about how to appropriately handle your emotions.

It’s funny, because I’m a total mess – but I’m never not just totally feeling what I’m feeling. If I’m sad, I’m sad. I get the impression that people get so scared of sadness that in order to avoid it, they kick things into jerkface mode. I’m seeing enough of it right now, and I’m bearing the brunt of it in a lot of ways… and it’s exhausting.

Your sadness doesn’t override the need to still be a semi-human-being. (And if you’re going to be a jerk, take it out on someone else, because I’m all stocked up here…)

Empathy is not a flower that blooms in everyone’s garden

I have been beyond grateful for every expression of kindness and sympathy that has been shared with me. Even when someone has no words, hearing them say, “I have no words,” means so much. Even an “I’m so sorry” goes a long way. I have appreciated every gesture, and have been surprised by the goodness of people. And yet… my daughter tried to talk to a friend about it, and got shut down every time. I was recently around someone who likely read about my brother’s passing – but she never said a word.

I firmly believe Emily McDowell’s “There’s No Good Card For This” should be required reading for all humans. Trust me. Go buy it.

The world has to keep turning

This is somehow the biggest insult of all – that the world doesn’t stop turning. I was listening to a podcast on the drive to work this morning that essentially said, someone dies and you still need to get toilet paper. I feel guiltiest about the real life moments, I do. Tonight, I worked on a presentation for work about content marketing and storytelling after vacuuming my living room and while my daughters gave the dog a bath. This week I made dinner. I folded clothes. (Okay, I meant to fold clothes, but mostly I just sat on the floor surrounded by clothes and thought about folding them) There is this part of me that is horrified by this, that his life was unfairly cut short, and I should still be surrounded by socks in the midst of a September heat wave.

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion

Yeah. A Steel Magnolias quote. I was leaning against the counter the other night listening to Ingrid Michaelson’s “Old Days” (heaven help the ones who fly away…). And then had a memory of my brother breakdancing. Doing the centipede, and twirling on his back on a piece of cardboard. I started laughing, remembering how we’d watch all of those breakdancing movies (I still reference “Electric Boogaloo” – a lot). If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry… and sometimes the crying gets to be too much.

Kindness isn’t always easy but it feels better than anger

I have been angry this past week. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so consistently angry for so long. And I hate it. When I’m dwelling in anger, I’m not honoring the memory of my brother and that is so terrible to think of – that I’m upset with people for being terrible grief vampires, and that is taking away from remembering my brother and mourning him as he deserves.

People have been terrible. I’ve seen behavior so despicable that I’d swear that it was not real life but a badly scripted movie… but no, it’s real.

I’ve been trying so hard in those moments to focus on kindness. To focus on light. To embrace the memory and to make a difference.

No, sometimes it’s pretty damn hard. But each kindness shared with me gives me a few moments of peace – and that feels better than rage.

I have no idea what’s next, really. There are funerals this weekend and Monday. My mom has picked up his ashes. We’ve received the cause of death from the medical examiner.

This world feels different. Am I still his little sister even if he’s not here? How does that work? Does it get easier? Do people return to who they were before the grief turned them into hateful people, and if they do, will I be able to forgive the hurt I am in right now?

I don’t know.

I really just. don’t. know.

 

 

Thursday Ten: Oh, NBD Only Ages Since My Last Post edition

  1. Yeah, so it’s September. The kids are back in school – they’ve been back for about three weeks already and summer went by and like… what?
  2. We went to California. The girls and I were there for a week – and traveled from the Bay Area down to Los Angeles. We put our feet in the ocean. We painted a mural in Santa Monica. We missed home a lot. We toured Hearst Castle. I only mildly panicked on the airplane (the panic was mild because I had the foresight to order a cocktail before the turbulence started – so lesson learned: always order a drink because you never know if the weather over Colorado could get bumpy).
      
  3. I’m about six or seven weeks out from my second half marathon. I’ve got four races this season – two of them are fairly short distances, then I’ve got a ten miler and then the half. I’m sort of ready to be done with training. I’ve got nearly 24 miles in September already…and it’s only the 7th. For some, that’s chump mileage, but for me that’s quite a lot. I think my muscles are going to need a rest after this… until the next thing comes along.
  4. There’s so much sucky stuff going on in the world right now. I cannot believe where we are politically – how is this even real life?
  5. Spent countless hours last weekend shopping for a homecoming dress for The Princess and hating the fashion industry immensely. When your daughter is a 5’8″ athlete in a sea of dresses designed for 5’2″ waifs, it becomes a very discouraging experience. We did end up finding a beautiful dress – one that fits her beautifully and isn’t too short (OH EM GEE, why do teens need dresses so short? EVERYTHING is so short). It was a brutal two days of shopping – lesson learned for next time.
  6. I spent Labor Day ripping some of the weeds out of a small plot in my front yard and planting forty tulip bulbs. I’m kind of excited for spring already (yeah, I’ve got a long winter ahead of me) to see if I did this right… because if I did? It’s gonna be amazing.
  7. Just binged “The Good Place” on Netflix. Not sure how I missed this, or what channel it was on before – but what a delightful and quick binge. (I’m afraid to google it because WHAT IF THEY NEVER MADE A SECOND SEASON OF IT?)
  8. I don’t really watch television much. THAT is how I missed it.
  9. Just kicked off year ten of my 365 project. Cannot believe that I’ve never missed a day yet – in just over nine years. In all the ways my life has changed over the years – that is one thing that has remained constant.
  10. The weather is becoming fall. My favorite time of year. I wish it lasted longer than a few weeks. I’m not ready for winter. At all. Ever. Nope. Do not want. But fall. Give me fall. All the fall.

To My Daughter On Her 12th Birthday

Dear Pumpkin,

Twelve years ago this morning, I woke up in the early morning hours feeling less than great. Not long after that, a speedy car ride to the hospital ensued and then less than four hours after waking up, and less than two hours in the hospital even – you were in my arms. Oh how quickly it went, how soon you were there. HOW EARLY IN THE MORNING IT WAS.

Twelve years later, you’re finally sleeping in. That’s some progress, right? Partly, I think that’s the tween years setting in – and partly because we stay up too late. Often times during the school year, I’m waking you up at the crack of dawn and you’re wanting to sleep a little bit more – and whoa, after all of these years with you being such an early bird, I never thought that would happen.

You are an artist. You love to draw, paint, sketch. You have a good eye, but no patience. You can get frustrated when executing your vision is a challenge. You’ll sketch and erase and sketch again to get it right. I admire that and am amazed by your skill, even if you don’t appreciate just how good you are.

You are so smart. You think analytically and critically in ways that most people don’t – and I know that it means most people just aren’t on your level, which is probably not the way you want to feel when  you’re in middle school – but some day, have mercy, you are going to create some magic in this world with that brain.

You love animals. You love the planet. Your dad cut down a tree a few weeks ago and you were so angry at him. You put on your Mother Earth shirt and for awhile, according to your sister, you were very upset.

Your first year of middle school ended with straight As which was pretty awesome for a first year! You loved some of your classes. Others, not so much. But you adapted well to the idea of changing classes, multiple teachers, and figuring out how lockers work.

You love theater and musicals. You just wrapped up a week at musical theater camp and you love it. Not only do you love theater, but theater kids are YOUR PEOPLE. I wish we had a better bunch of theater kids around here, because that’s what you need. That’s your tribe. You tried out for the musical this winter and you didn’t get a part, and I thought that was so rotten, and I was so irritated. (I still am, when I think about it) You were crushed at the news, and I was crushed for you – it’s something you love so much and wanted so eagerly to be a part of. [The director sucks. I’m not supposed to say that, but I’m saying that because this is my letter to you and it’s probably not HER birthday. Also: I really think she sucks.]

You’re a brilliant writer. You make me laugh and I love the way your brain works. You just started a blog and I’m curious where you go with it. Maybe someday you’ll be writing letters for ME on MY birthday.

I am fascinated and amazed by you and still worry about your tender heart and how you wear it on your sleeve and I imagine that will always be a worry of mine for all of my days because you are so open with your feelings and I fear the pain that can come from being so tender. I wouldn’t change a thing about you for the world, but oh how I wish the world was kinder to the free spirits and dreamers and creatives, like you.

I am so excited to celebrate you. To celebrate the day I first held you in my arms. To celebrate another year of you. I hope twelve treats you well. This is the last year before you’re a (GASP) teenager. I cannot believe how fast the time flies. I’m so privileged to be your momma. If life is a merry-go-round, I’m so glad to be on it with you and your sister.

I love you with my whole heart and I am so lucky to be your momma.

Love you lots and lots of tater tots,

Momma

Thursday Ten: Somehow it’s july edition

  1. I mean, really. July. How did that freaking happen. We already had the fourth of July and the week long annoyance of fireworks every night. It’s very nearly MID-JULY. Where is time going?
  2. I’m in the midst of week two of my half marathon training. Already I am seeing a massive difference in the two programs, and mostly in terms of the amount of miles I’m running. The downside is that though I’m racking up miles, they’re slow. This humidity doesn’t help my pace at all.
  3. I hit a record for the most miles run in a month in June. I’m on track to beat it in July. (Who am I?)
  4. Why does Netflix tell me three times to watch “Glow” and never thought to tell me there was another season of Grey’s to catch up on? (Anyway, totally been bingeing on Greys)
  5. Today I go to get my first mammogram. It’s just a routine exam because I’m (gasp) 40 years old now, and though the doctor ordered the test back in March I’m just now getting around to it. Apparently I can’t wear deodorant so I’m super stoked for the people in my office today. That should be fun given how hot it’s been outside…(I’m bringing body wipes. The thought of walking around all day with stinky arm pits makes me cringe.)
  6. I’m averaging less than six hours of sleep a night this week and I am FEELING it.
  7. My kids are with their dad this week so I literally ate peanut butter toast and cookies for dinner and I don’t really know how to force myself to cook for just myself. Seems a huge waste of time.
  8. One hundred days ago, I started a special photo project and it ended yesterday and after one hundred days of color I’ve gotta say… it was cool but I’m glad to only have one project going on right now. TWO is too many.
  9. There’s a stack of laundry to fold that just keeps growing every day. I don’t want to fold laundry. Ever.
  10. I just wish I could write more. I keep saying I want to but the fact is, I feel like a bit of a mess lately. There’s just too much going on. And this truly seems to be as much time as I can find to write. I remember when I used to write more, when it used to be such a big part of my life. I’m sad that it’s not anymore because I want it to be.

A Letter to My Daughter on Her 15th Birthday

Dear Princess,

Happy birthday, missy. Fifteen. Wow. As I type this, there’s a letter for you on the counter from the local Driver’s Training place, so we’ve got that coming up. Soon, you’ll be taking lessons and then soon, I’ll get to hang out in the passenger seat while you drive me around places and get all the hours you need to get before you get your license, and I gotta say, I’m kind of looking forward to being chauffeured around. Well, I’m looking forward to it when I’m not feeling terrified… or old.

Your freshman year of high school is nearly over and… I think it’s been a good year. As the year comes to an end, I know you’re bummed that you’re getting a B in biology but I never worry about your grades because you’re a smart cookie and you work hard. You have adjusted to high school pretty well, and I’m ready to see what the next year has in store for you. You auditioned for (and made it!) to Honors Choir, so I look forward to more singing in the year ahead. You did a solo at your choir concert last weekend… your voice was so beautiful, and when you sang tears came to my eyes.

You have three weeks left of your rest from gymnastics – it’s been a tough road, I know, trying to recover from your injured clavicle-slash-shoulder-slash-‘part where the ribs meet the sternum.’ I know it’s been discouraging to not get to do anything when you go to practice, and that you’ve been afraid of losing your skills… and even that it’s been difficult to be in pain. But I have faith that you’ll be back at it in a few weeks, that you’ll recover and get back to where you were. You had an amazing season this year – so many medals, so many PR’s. I know it feels like you won’t get that back… but… I have faith.

You are organized and meticulous. You are bullet journals and to-do lists. Your room is clean and you like order. You’re a good helper, and I appreciate that. Sometimes I get very overwhelmed and you help me get out of my noggin and figure out what to do next. You’re super funny and I like when you send me texts.

I love that at night, you and your sister tuck a stuffed animal into my bed along with my book.

While I’m bummed that you’re not starting your birthday with me today, I’m looking forward to when you and your sister come home and we can celebrate with presents and brownie pie. It warmed my heart when you texted me last night, upset that your sister was spending the night at her friend’s, sad that she wouldn’t be at your dad’s with you when you wake up today. I loved that you wanted her there with you, but also that you recognized that it was a fun thing for her to get to hang out with a friend, and you let her be excited about her fun evening. And even though the two of you fight a lot, I know that you both have each other’s backs. As a mom, that makes me tremendously happy too.

You are my persister. Nevertheless. You challenge people to think outside of what they know, what is accepted. You don’t keep quiet. You don’t accept status quo. I love that you are the one other kids are afraid to argue politics with. I love that you make noise, that you think. You believe that the world could be and should be better, and I am so excited to see what you make of your life, and who you will become. Who you are already is pretty great.

You said you wanted to try a Couch to 5k. I know you may well hate running, but I look forward to running with you this summer. It makes me happy that you want to try. Maybe we’ll do a race and get matching medals.

Sigh.

Fifteen. Wow. Fifteen years ago, I held you in my arms and I became a mom, and now you are taller than me and just a few years away from college and what happened. When did I blink? How did the time pass so quickly? I’ve always been so excited at each new phase of your life, because watching you, your sister, blossom into these amazing people has been so rewarding, so great… but oh, now it’s going too fast. It could slow down a little, please.

This year will be full of phenomenal things for you, of that I am sure. I hope more musicals, more singing, more stacks of books to read, more things crossed off the list of to-dos.

Hurry up and come home. I’m excited to celebrate your birthday with you. I love you so very very much and I am looking forward to seeing what this year brings for you.

Happy birthday, Princess. I love you lots and lots of tater tots and I’m so lucky to be your momma.

<3

 

Thursday Ten: There’s A Million Things I Haven’t Done edition

  1. I used to be a better blogger. I wrote more often, and sometimes I was even amusing. These days, I can’t seem to get myself together to string a few words into a post and that makes me crazy because so much as happened since I last posted, things that all warrant a post of their own and here I am writing a Thursday Ten and let’s face it, a bullet point for these things is just not even enough.
  2. Working backwards, most recently been dealing with the stress of my brother being quite ill, in the hospital and intubated, unable to breathe on his own. I can start with this because yesterday they were able to take the tube out and he was able to breathe on his own, though he is raspy, coughs a lot, and is quite pissed at the world. (He also really would like to eat something but… yeah, that’s going to be awhile.) Not sure how he got so ill, and I’m not sure how it got so bad… but it was bad and now he’s on the mend, and there are probably some things that will have to change for the sake of his health. Scary things aren’t good – but I’m glad that at the very least, it might bring about some much needed change.
  3. I found out my brother was so ill on our way back from Chicago where we had just seen mother-freakin’ HAMILTON. It was absolutely everything EVERYTHING I dared hoped it would be. I am so glad to have gotten to share that with the girls and Chris. It was magic.
  4. It was SO magic that by the time they got to “Yorktown,” I was just in such awe that I started crying – it is one of my favorite songs in the musical, and everything was perfect: the music, the staging, the choreography. ALL OF IT. And I was thinking to myself, “Oh my god. I’m really here.” I’d go again in a minute. Worth every penny of the ticket prices…
  5. You know what else, y’all? I ran a half marathon! It was difficult and kind of scary, but I did it. I cried when I crossed the finish line. (I’m doing a lot of crying lately) I just was so damn proud of myself. I can do these things. I can set these goals.
  6. So… I signed up for another half. I’ve got five more months to train for it, but even though I thought I was “one and done,” I’m totally doing another half marathon and that just kind of blows my mind a bit.
  7. And then I signed up for a ten miler, too, because the timing was perfect so why the heck not? NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW.
  8. Before THAT? I went for my yearly appointment with the amazing team in Iowa and…it was good. Better than I could have hoped.
  9. See, you guys. There’s been so much stuff. And now the school year is almost over, my kid turns 15 in just over a week, and I’m a freaking half-marathoner, and you’ve missed it all because I’m not a good blogger.
  10. But. I miss writing. I have to do this more often. I do.

Thursday Ten: Probably Not Really Okay edition

  1. I am tired. Oh my god, am I tired. I am stressed out, exhausted, and easily made anxious by stuff that really shouldn’t be that big deal. I feel like a bit of a mess. I hate it.
  2. I would think that I should expect that dealing with the diagnosis of progressively failing vision might cause some amount of being massively bummed, but I wasn’t expecting it. And here it is. I am so bummed, so often. It is a phase I am going to have to pass in and out of, but in the meantime, as I wallow in it, I hate it and I am angry with myself and the universe.
  3. That’s probably a bit too much truthiness considering I haven’t posted in ages.
  4. The half marathon training is going pretty much okay except for the massive hip and knee pain. So I’ve also started physical therapy which has been an interesting adventure and ends up with experiences such as cringing as the therapist leans into my hip with her elbow in order to break up a massive knotted muscle. (THAT’S GONNA HURT.)
  5. But I ran nearly 20 miles last week, and…I’m doing it.
  6. I am on a mission to learn how to bake chocolate babka.
  7. I bought another pair of running shoes. I’m not sure I even need running shoes.
  8. The thing about having a busy brain is that I’m not getting enough sleep.
  9. Gymnastics season is now over for The Princess – so that’s a relief.
  10. Tell me something happy.

Thursday Ten: It’s Been A Little While

  1. I am not even gonna lie – 2017 was supposed to be better than 2016 and so far it really just isn’t. Life is busy, work is busy, weather is cold, president is terrifying. I’m exhausted all the time. I had a meltdown on Tuesday that had me in tears for an hour. I just don’t even know, man. So far, 40 can suck it.
  2. On a brighter side though, after saving for years, I finally had the 15 year old carpet from this house ripped out and replaced it with some super durable flooring that will be able to withstand dog barf and spilled milk. I haven’t wanted to do this for YEARS and was so excited to finally be able to pull the trigger on this project. It’s beautiful. And now the next thing is to ditch this beat up sofa… and figure out what of my existing furniture goes and stays. There’s my dog modeling the new floor in the picture below.
    Lucky on the new floor
  3. One thing at a time, Sarah.
  4. The thing about feeling so worn down is that I’m starting to feel as if I look worn down too. So this week I decided to subscribe to Beachbody on Demand – a streaming video service that lets you work out from home, streaming video to any of your screened devices, and offers up a variety of video options to choose from. Did my first workout yesterday – Cize. Wowza. Fun and intense and I was dripping with sweat by the time I was done. Can’t wait to try the next one.
  5. We’re expecting temps in the 50s this weekend. While this has felt a fairly mild winter compared to recent years, I’m still super stoked to get a sneak peek of spring.
  6. The warmer weather will help force me out the door for my runs – I’m training for a half marathon! For the first time, I’m using a program that incorporates speed intervals and tempo runs. The overall mileage is lower but i’m hoping they know what the heck they’re doing – that the speed runs will help me over all, so I can slog through 13.1.
  7. This Saturday is National Drink Wine Day.
  8. Next week is National Margarita Day. FYI, Margarita Day in February seems stupid timing.
  9. Why does the brain get louder at night time? I can be fine all day, but come 9:30, 10 p.m., my brain starts swirling and not in a good way.
  10. Reading the news, reading Twitter… it ain’t good. Every day it’s something new and it’s all awful. Tell me why people voted for that guy again?