Archives for September 2015

Thursday Ten: Fancy Butter edition

1. I buy fancy butter. In our house, that’s the name for the brick of European salted butter that we’re all convinced just tastes better. It’s better on toasted bagels and pretty much rules the world.

2. The kids are BACK! IN! SCHOOL! Glory be. Never thought the day would come. And so far, so good.

3. Trying really hard to find the joy in life because I’ve been such a grumpelstiltsken lately. I found myself getting so frazzled by things lately and I hate that feeling. The feeling of overwhelm is not one that I cope well with – and so I’m trying to tell myself to just mosey on through life and get through it little by little. Yeah, obstacles suck… but if they didn’t, they’d call them something else. Like… waffles. I don’t know.

4. Been thinking a lot about the state of the health care system in the United States. It’s broken and I have no idea what the right answer is to make it not broken – but you know – yeesh. I’ve heard enough horror stories in just the past few days of people having to damn near beg their insurance companies to actually DO WHAT THEY ARE THERE TO DO. Y’all, that ain’t right.

5. Last night it was cool enough to sleep. Bliss.

6. There is a major construction detour in my town and it’s irritating the snot out of me. I think of how frazzled I get at work when I think I’ve messed up and I wonder about the dude who grossly underestimated the time it would take to do this project and I hope the fact that he’s inconvenienced everyone’s lives for MONTHS ON END has caused him to lose some sleep.

7. Sooooooo. Who’s ready for this election to be over already?

8. Everybody wants to be viral and while I love some of the messages, for the love of potatoes, I’m tired of videos of people standing in their underwear in public asking people to draw hearts on them. It was moving the first time. The second, third, fourth… not so much. It ceases to be effective when other people rehash someone’s idea over and over so it’s no longer something that feels authentic, but more so, “Well, it worked for the other girl, so maybe everyone will like it if I do it too!” Just. Be you, do your own thing, have your own idea.

9. I’m not saying that skinny people shouldn’t be standing in their underwear in public. Or that not so skinny people shouldn’t be standing in their underwear in public. I’m saying BE ORIGINAL for goodness sakes. Put the markers away. Do the hokey pokey for body acceptance. (Or don’t – because that would be stealing my idea.)

10. One of these days, I’m really going to follow through on that “getting more sleep” thing.

A letter to my daughters on the bigness of feelings

To my darling daughters –

Being a mom is one of the most rewarding and most challenging jobs I have ever experienced. I have been through hell and back in various jobs along the way in my life. In high school, I worked for a banquet hall and there would days I would spend hours on end in a walk in cooler making salads dressed in artificially colored green ranch dressing. I have worked for wretched people. I have spent hours on a trade show floor, touting the benefits of various automotive parts. None of that has been as great a blessing or as big a struggle as motherhood.

This is not a post about that really.

It’s about how sometimes I know I should say something and I don’t know how to say it. It’s about how I have all these words in my head all the time, words I try to share with you, words I hope are sinking in – but I have no guarantee that the words are. I have no guarantee that you are remembering. That these words have taken root and are as much a part of you as your marrow, your cells, your you.

Recently, a teenager in our community committed suicide. A terrible thing made even more terrible because it was someone that you knew, Princess, someone that you spent time with in gymnastics. This was already so awful, and it was made even more awful because for the first time, this awful thing wasn’t entirely outside our orbit. This required that you be faced with the mourning and the explanations and the aftermath of what happens when someone who was there suddenly is not there.

It’s devastating to me to think of anyone feeling the kind of pain she must have been feeling in order to take her life and I realize that I must be so blessed to be unfamiliar with the kind of sadness and hurt that leads to the kind of thinking that results in suicide.

This is not a letter to pass judgment.

I think of what her parents must be feeling and my heart, it breaks in half. I wonder what they’re thinking, what they’re feeling. They must be recounting these last weeks, months, wondering what they did or did not see.

You, my children – you are my world. And I want to take this moment to make sure you know that I am always here. I am on your team and I am your biggest cheerleader, and I am your strongest supporter. There is nothing you could tell me that could ever make me turn my back on you. There is no emotion too big that we cannot tackle it together. There is no sadness so great that I would not be there for you with open arms. There is no problem so big that we can’t figure it out together.

Suicide is a permanent action for temporary feelings.

And that comes from that naive place – that place that has never known pain like that, that place that hasn’t felt mired in despair – I cannot know what drives someone to take their own life because I’ve never been there.

But I guarantee you, I will always be there for you. Please know that you can come to me if you feel hurt, or sad, or if you feel despair. If you feel depressed or alone, please know that you’re not alone, and I will do what I can to find help and to find answers.

And please know that this extends not just to you – but to your friends. If you see your friends hurting and you don’t know what to do, please come to me. Please talk to me. Don’t shoulder this on your own. You don’t have to have all the answers, you don’t have to carry the weight alone. If a friend is hurting, if they talk about despair, if they are making plans to do anything to harm themselves or others, please know that I will do everything in my power to help you help your friend.

Growing up is hard, I know. But we can get through this all together.

I promise you. Never forget that I am here for you. Never forget that you are loved. And never forget that you are not alone – and that together we are stronger than each of us alone.

I love you very much, and I’m so very lucky to be your momma.





This week is Suicide Prevention Week and September 10 is Suicide Prevention Day. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: 1 (800) 273-TALK (8255)

Please. If you need help, know that there are people you can talk to, people that can help.