1. I couldn’t write last week. I just couldn’t. There is no way I could wrap my brain around the world enough to make sense of it. A week later, I still don’t know that I can make much sense of anything, but I’m trying. And I’m trying to not be so angry. I’m trying to be productive. I’m…well, I’m trying.
2. I feel like there’s really no escape from it. It’s too dark for running when I get home from work (and I managed to squish my knee somehow anyway). It’s getting colder. The calendar is crazy busy with so much stuff nearly every day. I need a break, somehow, but there’s none in sight.
3. I can’t get warm. My hands feel numb. My brain is busy. The shorter days are hard for me. I’ve always felt I was prone to SAD or the winter blahs, but it’s been worse since my stupid retinas got stupider.
4. That thing where you say you want to be positive and then you whine. Sorry.
5. Okay. I… guess I can’t really finish this. Here’s a puppy.
   

1. This past weekend, Chris and I went to Chicago and we ran a 15k and I’ve never done that before in my life and I SURVIVED YOU GUYS! I totally lived to tell about it, but oh my god, if you look at my souvenir race photo, you would see just how rough I was feeling at the end of it. Running is not my prettiest self, but I am so so PROUD of what we accomplished.
2. My GPS totally screwed up during the run though and it was telling me I was further than I was and it was telling me that I was running faster than I was. Like…significantly faster. And it was a bit of a slap in the face to finish and realize that nope, I’m still slow. The good news is that while I was running, it motivated me to think I was running so fast, so… that helped.
3. No, I have no idea what the hell I was thinking that I thought that I was actually running like 90 seconds faster per mile than usual. Guess I was giving adrenaline a lot of credit.
4. My running playlist rocked my socks, though. I threw it on shuffle and started the race with REM’s “The End of the World (As We Know It)” and moved through the Chicago streets singing along to TLC’s “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg,” went through some weird loopety thing by McCormick Place to Kanye’s “Runaway” – and hit a variety of other songs in between in the 98 minutes I was running. Such a fun list…if I do say so myself.
5. I’m not sure when I’ll get out to run again but soon I hope. I have visions of getting a half marathon under my belt in 2017… and since that’s just 3.8 more miles than I just did, I think it’s totally doable. I know there’s a 25K in Grand Rapids this spring. I also know that I don’t think I want to run 15 miles.
6. It’s funny how you hit a goal and then push a little harder to see what else you can do. And uh, I just subscribed to Runner’s World, y’all, so either I’m gonna keep running, or I’m gonna be the most informed couch potato ever.
7. Wow, so I talked about running for over half of this list. Can y’all believe it? (Pick a half marathon for me. Watch me fly. I can do big things.)
8. In other news, HOLY BANANAS it’s NOVEMBER. How the heck did that even happen?
9. Between the Gilmore Girls and Moana, we’ve got a lot to look forward to this month.
10. How are y’all? Talk to me, goose.

1. So, somehow I turned 40. I let it go by on the blog without the fanfare I was planning on but I made it through the day with only a small amount of sadness and a huge amount of trying to just be grateful for my years and my blessings. Aging is hard, but, as they say: it beats the alternative.
2. The day before my 40th birthday, I ran farther than I ever had before in my life. Nine miles. Nine. It sounds absurd to me – how on earth could I manage that, when last year I couldn’t even run one? But nine. I did it. And then in the midst of it, somewhere around mile seven, I tripped over a crack in the pavement hidden by a pile of fallen leaves and my knee hasn’t bee the same since. Yay Team 40!
3. Chris and I will be running a 15K in a few weeks – should be interesting seeing as how we both are moving a bit slower lately. Anyway… all of this to say: I had no idea I could ever do this, and I’m amazed and excited. And… after this race, who knows what’s next. (Spoiler alert: I have no desire to run a full marathon)
4. Rewatching The Gilmore Girls with the kids and yeah, we’re looking forward to the reboot this November.
5. I took the two days before and after my birthday weekend off from work and it was…pretty great. I hadn’t taken that many days off in a row since…ever? And I needed it. On the heels of project after project over the summer, the downtime was much needed. I wasn’t as productive as I thought I’d be, but I enjoyed the time off tremendously.
6. I bought a bunch of books and magazines during my vacation, even managed to read a whole book. I have already surpassed my goal of reading 30 books this year… will I make it to 40?
7. I made the mistake of starting a post about politics on Facebook last night and I should know better but anyway, here we are and ugh… It could’ve been worse, but it still wasn’t great. It feels rotten to have my friends insulting each other. Ready for the election to be over so I can start liking people again.
8. Had the exciting opportunity to take the girls to see the Olympic gymnasts in Grand Rapids. It was truly amazing to see Simone Biles in person – what a phenomenal athlete. It was pretty exciting and the show itself was so well done. What a treat!
9. The fun thing about taking off Thursday – Tuesday is that you end up with two three day weeks in a row.
10. When you want to be healthy but you want to eat a brownie sundae.

1. As I type this, I think back on the post I wrote last week. The one where I was so maxed out, so stressed out, so overwhelmed. Well… I’m still there. And feeling this way is not a good thing for me. I’m trying to practice self care as best I can – yesterday, I worked out twice! I drank lots of water! I reached out to my friends! But… I’m still having a very hard time and I’m not quite used to this.
2. There are 39 messages in my spam folder right now and they’re almost all from the Gap.
3. I am watching season 12 of Greys Anatomy on Netflix and getting my heard stomped on over and over again with all the drama. In a good way?
4. I downloaded a new app called “Streaks” in order to try to create some healthy habits in my life – it’s the only reason I’ve managed to remember to floss my teeth for the past 8 days in a row.
5. Tickets for Hamilton Chicago went on sale and by the time I was able to try to get tickets, all I could find were tickets that are $500+ each… or tickets with an “obstructed view.” (Hey theatres: why would you obstruct the view of the stage?) So what I’m saying is: I didn’t get Hamilton tickets.
6. And I hate that I am even feeling badly about my life at all because so many people I know are going through some SERIOUS stuff and I’m all like, “Wah wah wah…I’m overwhelmed.” Realistically, we cannot compare our challenges to those that other people face – otherwise we’ll make ourselves even crazier trying to minimize our struggles for fear they’re not big enough to be justified. We don’t have to do that. At least, I don’t think so.
7. You know, a year ago I was terrified. A year ago, I was newly diagnosed with Usher syndrome and I didn’t know how long my eye sight would last. I was looking for signs all the time about my vision – was it better, was it worse? My visit in Iowa changed a lot of that fear to hope. About my eyes. I think that has altered the changing about the other stuff. In some good ways and some less than great ways.
8. As you can see, I’m working through my thoughts as I type this list.
9. It hasn’t rained in a very long time and my yards are dry and what’s there is more likely a weed than grass.
10. Is it Friday yet? It would be really lovely if it could be Friday.

1. A week ago, we were in California and now we’re back and I have been exhausted ever since. A quick trip to see Chris win an award for work and to spend a few days at Disneyland and then back again – just a matter of days but it was good to get away even if I’ve been sleepwalking since I got home.

2. And yep, I still hate flying. I was fortunate that the long stretches of time in the air were quite smooth, but even the littlest bumps set me on edge. I am the actual worst. The one kind of awesome thing about being scared of flying is that my fear leads to some nice conversations with the poor unfortunate souls stuck sitting next to me. The conversations I had with people who saw fear in my face – well, I’m grateful that in this world where we all tend to put on our headphones and keep our eyes forward, there are still some people who truly see you.

3. I am frustrated that I spend so much time wishing away my weeks. For example, do you know how giddy I am that it’s THURSDAY and I’m only one day away from Friday? And while whooohooo the weekend is almost here, I don’t just want to endure my weekdays. I need to shake that sense of rushing through my life, because that sucks.

4. I have been working on the Couch to 10K running program and managed to hit a 70+ minute workout last night. I never have that kind of time to get a workout like that – which could be why these run/walks are kicking my butt so badly. You’re supposed to do them 3 days a week, but who has that kind of free time? Not me, which is why I’ll never be able to run six miles without stopping to walk.

5. Seeing the fireworks spectacular at night at Disneyland was one of the most awesome things I’ve seen in a very long time. I took so many pictures and so much video – I loved it so much. You never really outgrow the magic of Disney, I guess.

6. It’s raining a lot lately. I know, that’s a spring thing, but I wish it wouldn’t rain quite as much. My backyard looks like a jungle and I don’t have time to mow it.

7. In the home stretch of the school year so that’s starting to get chaotic as well. Concerts, field trips, and all of that fun stuff. Makes for a chaotic few weeks. The Princess will be 14 in just over two weeks, so there will be a birthday celebration coming soon, also. Will be ready for summer to come and slow life down a bit.

8. SOooo. New Instagram logo. It’s pretty bad. And according to my kid, it’s somewhat traumatic. (We’re a family full of people offended by bad design, I guess)

9. Tomorrow’s Friday.

10. A summer vacation fell through this week and while I’m bummed, part of me is a tiny bit relieved I won’t have to deal with that whole re-entry back to the real world after vacation thing again. I should probably learn how work-life balance works.

1. Today, I was stunned at work when Chris messaged me, “Prince died?” and I was like, Nooooo, it couldn’t be and then I went to Facebook and my feed was already full of the news – the awful news – and it really just seems like 2016 is ripping people away too early, doesn’t it? Prince was a musical powerhouse – and as I drove home and listened to the words I had typed out, and seen, so many times today, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…”, I felt my scalp tingle with goosebumps and tears fill my eyes.
2. But my first instinct was to make a joke – which I restrained myself from doing – not about his death, but his death in comparison to so many others that haven’t made an impact on me. Because, well. Who cares, Sarah. Also: each of these people, these people I’ve never met, mattered to someone, lots of someones. Know who makes jokes about that kind of thing? A jerkface. Don’t be a jerkface.
3. So, I’m consoling myself with episodes of Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix. As you do.
4. The snow has finally (fingers crossed) melted and gone away – hey, it’s almost May afterall.
5. And… I had a great trip to Iowa to meet a new eye doctor and for the first time in awhile, I feel hopeful about my stupid retinas. I know I’m always saying it, but that’s truly another post for another day – but an important one, and someday I’ll find time to write.
6. There hadn’t been much time to write lately. Holy moley, life has been I-N-S-A-N-E.
7. I finally finished the Couch to 5K program – next, I tackle trying to learn to run 10K. Oh the crazy things you do when you’re staring down your fortieth birthday.
8. Did you know May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Cookie day? Now you know. It seems weird that over three weeks in advanced, I’m already thinking about baking cookies, but the thing is I probably won’t actually do it because see number 6 – I HAVE NO FREE TIME.
9. I wasn’t this bummed when Bowie died.
10. Alright, Universe. It’s time for sleep. Let’s go a day without a celebrity dying, huh?

1. Last week, mother nature walloped us with a ton of snow – in my neck of the woods, we received over a foot of snow in 24 hours. This week, temps hit 70 and all the snow melted away. While I’m not complaining, this weather pattern has made for a kooky winter. And now March is quite nearly half over, and whoa nelly. This year is zipping along.
2. I am concerned that the United States is all sniffing glue. This election season is making me shake my head in complete and total confusion. How the hell is Trump even a thing? Can we wake up from that bad dream anytime soon?
3. We’re already getting to that time of year where school activities are taking over life. Just this week there have been two rounds of parent teacher conferences and a choir concert. Usually, it seems this hits a wee bit later in the year – typically, we hit spring break and then it’s a downward slope of one thing happening after another. We’re getting a jump on it this year.
4. I’m so tired this week – and it’s a bummer with this magic weather that I’m so tuckered out… but I haven’t slept well and I hate that, waking up in the middle of the night and never truly feeling rested. I suspect it will only be worse after the clocks spring forward this weekend.
5. By the way, don’t forget to set your clocks forward.
6. And check your smoke detectors.
7. I just accidentally saw a Facebook picture with a snake in it so I’m sure I won’t sleep tonight either.
8. I’ve been trying to read Mindy Kaling’s new book for a week now and I’m not getting very far. What are you reading?
9. Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.
10. Friday is almost here again. This is a good thing. I just finished a weekend and yet… I’m ready for one again.