Somewhere almost in the middle of january

We’re over one week into 2016 and unsurprisingly, everything is the same as it was last year save for a fraction of an inch of snow on the ground and a bit of disgust that yeah, everything is the same as it was last year.

At this time of year, it seems that there’s still a lot to read from a lot of people who are in the midst of making themselves completely new people for the new year. Lots of really uplifting stuff and lots of stuff that would be completely useful if I wasn’t such an insufferable cow.

And sometimes, I am an insufferable cow.

I try – of course – to embrace the positive aspects of my life. There are many positive aspects. I’m not so huge a douchebag that I cannot embrace what is truly joyful. I make an effort daily to be fully present and to be aware of the moments that make life magical.

I am not so advanced a spirit that I can ignore the garbage though.

I wish I could.

Last week, I ended up getting insanely pissed off by a note left on my door by the town in which I live. My sidewalk had snow on it, they said. I was in violation of rule blahblahblah. This was my first warning. Y’all, it was less than an inch of snow. Maybe a quarter of an inch at most. It was ridiculous, this warning. Several days later, I’m still angry about it. Do they think I have free time to clean every molecule of snow from my sidewalk any time it snows? I don’t.

This morning as I shoveled, I silently raged about it – even though in the moment, I didn’t actually mind the work. Today’s snow was light and fluffy and easily shoveled away. It wasn’t the heavy sludge that quickly turns to ice. I was wrapped in my grandpa’s flannel that he used to wear outside on days like today and even though it is missing several buttons, I felt the warmth of his memory.

Friday, I had the kind of day that had me nearly sprinting for my car at the end of the workday – so busy that I accumulated a record LOW number of steps because I barely even managed to get away from my desk to go to the bathroom.

All of these beautiful moments in life are packed in up against all of the really tough moments and I find it hard these days to ignore the garbage enough to fully embrace what is beautiful.

My god, I am trying.

I am lucky to be loved – and not just in that way that I feel that we are all lucky to be loved by the people who love us but in the way that sometimes I am an unbelievable pain in the ass and yet people in my life still love me.

I’m not sure why sometimes, but I am grateful for it.

Life is weird and amazing and beautiful. And sometimes I forget that it is indeed life – that part of what makes it beautiful are those moments that challenge you to not be such an unbelievable jerkface.

As I type this, I am in my warm home and I am half ignoring the fact that my driveway probably needs shoveling. My dog is on the couch next to me and he’s farting. It’s sickening and likely toxic. My kitchen counter is covered with junk even though I spent all day yesterday cleaning and all of the snacks I bought last week at Costco seem to be gone already despite the fact that I have two girls and I’m not raising a football team. One daughter is drinking a Gatorade, and she will almost certainly leave the empty plastic bottle sitting on a table in the living room when she’s done. The other is upstairs likely using the last of the hot water so there will be none left when I run a bath for myself later this evening.

But my home is warm and I am loved.

And that counts.

It counts because it has to count. It counts because it matters to me. It counts because if it stops counting, the days become that much more difficult.

We’re ten days in. I made no resolutions.

Even so, I hope to make this year a good one – and so I try.


About sarah

Sarah is a book nerd, a music lover, an endorphin junkie, a coffee addict. Oh, and a goof ball. She writes, she tweets, and she sings off key.


  1. Your house sounds so similar to ours. I do most of the clearing up, washing up, etc – and it always amazes me that no matter what I do, it all goes to hell inside 24 hours. I love your blog btw. Always have. I need to do a list of favourite blogs at some point.

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