Thursday Ten: No More Vomit edition

1. Monday morning, Pumpkin woke me up at 4 a.m. – she didn’t feel well, and she promptly ran to my bathroom and got sick. She very nearly made it all the way to the toilet before throwing up. With the snowy road conditions I was able to stay home with her and then on Tuesday she seemed fine. Yesterday, it wasn’t until right before I left for work that she told me she’d thrown up at 4 a.m. again. She just didn’t wake me up. “I wanted you to get your sleep, mom.” Sweet, indeed, especially since vomit grosses me out, but OH THE GUILT of knowing my girl was awake and sick and didn’t tell me.

2. As my kids get older I wonder sometimes what to share, what to omit. Is vomit an overshare? I don’t know. I’m figuring it’s safe. It’s winter. Most of her fourth grade class is sick. Everybody vomits.

3. Sunday throughout the day to Monday morning, we got hammered, snow wise. Couldn’t make it to work Monday morning because even without the sick child, there was no way I could get out of my driveway without a lot of shoveling. A LOT of shoveling. It took me several trips outside, probably a combined total of at least two hours of slinging snow. Days later, my arms, my shoulders, my back – all of those torso muscles ACHE.
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4. Anyway, it should just go without saying that I am OH SO OVER WINTER. And you can give me -10 degree weather if it means that it won’t be freaking snowing. I especially hate winter driving and have found that the thought of driving in it just stresses me out so tremendously. A few weeks ago, someone was aggressively tailgating me through a particularly bad stretch of snowy roads. And recently – there was an accident in that same spot. WHY? Because IT IS NOTORIOUSLY SLUSHY AND ICY AND ROTTEN. People drive like idiots when the weather is like this – and it’s hard enough to just keep myself safe without worrying about what some other moron is going to do by driving like an asshole.

5. As I type this, my dog has excessive gas and I’m thoroughly grossed out. (Hey why not? We’ve already talked about barf, so, you know… gas was the obvious next step.)

6. When you have two appointments in one week it’s easy to get knocked off kilter which is what happened to last week’s post. I started to write it. I got stressed out. I didn’t finish writing. There’s probably a post in there, but anyway, here I am. I am stressed and I am also trying to be better at just staying in this moment where I am rather than let myself get ten steps ahead. I’m a worrier, so, you being in the moment isn’t my forte, but, I’m trying.

7. Consistently hitting 10,000 steps a day with my FitBit is a small pleasure but it makes me insanely happy. I can’t wait until the weather warms up and I can get more of those steps outside rather than jogging in place in front of my television.

8. With my addiction to Serial (which I’m done with until Season 2 comes out), I’ve become a bit of a podcast junkie. Do you have any faves? Love that “Dear Sugar” is a podcast now, hate that it’s not nearly as frequent as I would like.

9. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. I’ve been hearing that phrase since I was a kid probably and I still find that most people just can’t really own up to that – taking responsibility for the timing of things. Sometimes stuff happens and it isn’t a lack of planning, it’s a curveball. But MAN when it’s a lack of planning on someone else’s part that manages to turn MY life topsy turvy? Pffft. It makes for the crankiest of Sarahs.

10. SuperBowl. Commercials. Extreme suckage. While the Nationwide commercial wasn’t a trigger for me, I’m wondering who on earth thought that was the time or place for that message, and the rest of the messages were mostly just so so. I guess when the pattern is to leak everything before hand, who actually wants to PAY THOSE RATES and advertise during the game. psh. But at least we get a football break for awhile. And hopefully a Katy Perry break also.


Rage Against the (Snow Removal) Machine

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever stop snowing.

This winter has been relentless – both emotionally and weather-wise.

I am still reeling from finding out on Wednesday that my job is being eliminated due to budget cuts. My boss and the director of human resources sat me down, they complimented me on my sweater, how it made me a ray of sunshine or some such, and then told me that sorry but this is how it goes sometimes and la la la la la it was hard to focus after that because as much as I’d love to go completely stoic, I’m just not built that way. My eyes flooded with tears and my brain was instantly slammed by what I was hearing.

I was handed a bottle of water. “Take a sip, it’ll help.” I couldn’t see then, and still can’t, for that matter – how on earth water was going to help me? What could it possibly do to fix anything? I awkwardly took the water after being urged once more, “Be sure you drink some of that.”

It’s been a crazy few days since. I’ve been hoping, actually, to have time to truly process it – to truly just stop and just BE and pout a little if I want to, cry a little if I want to, bury myself under the covers if I need to. One thing after another has conspired to keep me from having a proper mope – a false alarm with my sister at the hospital, the kids not having school Friday, and then a weekend of mom’ing.

And Saturday morning, I woke up to this.

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In the midst of winter storm warnings, we had blizzard like weather – with not much new accumulation (I don’t think) but a lot of blowing and drifting snow. When I opened my garage on Saturday morning this is the sight I was met with – a drift that was at least a foot tall, probably closer to two (And oh, how I wish I’d measured it).

I scooped a pile of snow and the shovel was heavy with the weight of the wet snow. I turned around and went inside.

I can’t do this, I said.

I bitched about winter on Facebook a little.

“You need a snowblower,” some genius commented on my status.

Admittedly, my hackles were immediately raised.

Oh really? So, that’s how you get rid of snow? A snow blower? Is that what I need?

I don’t need a snow blower. I need a job.

Disposable income? What’s that?

OH. A SNOW BLOWER. I hear they’re giving those away with Happy Meals now.

As if you could understand.

I don’t want to be angry and I don’t want to be bitter, but I am a little angry and I am sort of bitter and frankly I found the comment to be so irritating that I bundled up in two pairs of pants, my grandpa’s flannel, boots, hat, scarf and gloves and I went back outside and I pushed through it until my whole damn driveway was nearly clear. And when my brother-in-law arrived as the local road crews were burying the end of my driveway in sludge, I graciously accepted his help and we finished the shoveling.

I don’t need a snow blower.

I am strong. And I’m capable.

I may hate the cold. I may hate the snow. I may hate shoveling. I may be recovering from being sick.


And I did it thinking of that smug woman and her “You need a snowblower” sitting in her home while her husband undoubtedly took care of her driveway and I finished it proud of myself.

(Still angry, though)

This morning, I cleared out the three new inches of fresh powdery snow in a -8° windchill. By the time I made it back inside, my body was numb. Despite my gloves, I couldn’t feel my hands. “I hurt, I hurt, I hurt, I hurt…” I kept repeating over and over until I was able to regain feeling in my fingers.

I hate winter.

This Polar Vortex garbage is lurking on the horizon again and we’re looking at another week with bone-chilling temperatures. I cannot take it anymore. Every winter makes me want to move to California again – this winter more than most.

I want to escape the cold. I want to escape the snow.

I want to escape the helplessness I feel – helpless because I’m losing my job, helpless because finding a new one is proving to be dang near impossible, helpless because I can’t run away from it all. I’m here. And I have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other.

“You need a snowblower,” was just one more thing.

As though problems are so easily solved. As though one can know what any one else is enduring. As though the answer is to always take the easy way, the way that is the least work, the one that allows you to push through without the back-breaking, muscle-aching, sweat-dripping, snow-slinging WORK.

I’d love to take the easy way.

Who wouldn’t?

But since I can’t, I’ve got my shovel out. May take me awhile to get it all cleared out…but I’m told that I will and I’ll just have to believe it.

Day 23: And So It Snows…

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I woke up this morning and looked out the windows and was sure that my eyes were behaving badly with all the white I was seeing. That my eyes would be screwy would be no surprise – I’m overdue for an eye exam (I have one scheduled, it’s all good) and I’m kind of half convinced that at some point over the past few weeks, I mixed up my right and left contact – and so I keep switching them back and forth seeing if I can see any better. (I’m sure that’s behavior totally frowned upon by eye care professionals).


All that white garbage wasn’t my eyes being stupid.

It was snow.

The expected high temperature today is less than 30°, and I’m cold and have already said more than once: “That’s enough! I quit winter!”

So, I didn’t really have anything to blog about today. I had a great dinner last night with a friend of mine, and great coffee this morning with Chris… and I dug in my archives for my picture of the day today last year.

And it was this. A light dusting of snow. Just like today.

It’s interesting sometimes to see life that way – today versus a year ago today.

Fun to note that a year ago today, I was probably cursing Mother Nature much like I am now.

The sun is shining and there’s no snow in my yard. It’s still cold outside – and will be for days – but I’m warm with a cup of coffee by my side.

So it begins, winter. The season I hate the most. Hoping to avoid numbness and ginormous electric bills.


1-2-3 Holiday Weekend OVER!

Last week, the school was kind enough to give the kiddos Wednesday off for the Turkey Day holiday. By Monday, I was pretty much ready for things to fall back into place – for life to get back on track (I lie – I was ready by Sunday). But I guess I just wanted it too badly.

About 7:30 yesterday morning, my mother called me to tell me there was a snow day.

And then I lost it.

You see, I’m not a chick who loves winter. I don’t like being cold. I don’t like puffy jackets. I don’t like snow days. I don’t like when kids kick off their snow boots at my door and then I walk by in my socks and my socks get all wet. I don’t like the astronomical electric bill from heating the house in the winter. I don’t like it that the snow plow guy charges an insane amount of money for what boils down to maybe two minutes of his time every time we get more than a few inches of snow. And I could go on, but I won’t because you’ll just have to take my word for it: I was not cut out for living where winter involves cold weather.

But here I sit.

And my god, yesterday I was so frustrated – had things I wanted to do and just needed some quiet after FIVE days of “vacation”. Then no go.

Despite my whining, it turned out okay. The Princess ended up playing outside for most of the day (the kid grumbles about standing in the driveway in forty degree temps for five minutes waiting for the school bus, but will happily play in sub-freezing temps for hours on end with no problems). Pumpkin wasn’t TOO high maintenance. I survived.

I focused my eyes forward. TUESDAY would be my day.

Uh-uh. Maybe it’s a result of that cosmic planetary alignment thing (which I couldn’t see because of the BIG FAT SNOW CLOUDS), but I woke up this morning to find out that The Princess’s school had a two hour delay.

You have got to be kidding me.

Fortunately, we pay through the nose for Pumpkin’s school/daycare and they were perfectly fine. Kids five miles north of us in a different school district were out waiting for THEIR buses. Just our lame school district was being cautious. Got the girls in the car, took Pumpkin to school, dashed up to get some coffee and pick up a few things at Target, got The Princess home in time to play in the snow a bit more before the bus came. I drove about forty some miles this morning. The roads? Really not that bad. Big babies.

So, I guess we’re just EASING our way back on schedule. Here’s hoping to find no glitches tomorrow.