This year kicked my ass.
I knew at the start of the year that it wouldn’t be easy – I knew that my grandpa was struggling following his stroke in November 2012. I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized and getting the hang of the whole single parent thang (and single paycheck thing). And of course, the new year starts in the midst of my least favorite season, so I was slogging through winter blahs anyway.
I didn’t anticipate my job getting cut to part time.
Getting by on half a paycheck.
My grandfather dying.
The struggles related to trying to find full time work.
My basement flooding.
Hundreds of dollars of furnace repair.
My stepfather’s valve replacement surgery.
My brother’s two broken legs.
It seems like every time I turned around, it was something else.
It seemed like despite the fact that there was still good in 2013, it was clouded over by the things that weighed me down.
I am no stranger to struggle but this year? I felt so tested by this year.
And even today as I sat on my couch crying about something, I felt like it was 2013 trying to get one final dig in.
And that’s just ridiculous.
In my heart of heart I know that it’s not the year’s fault. Bad things happen sometime. We lose people we love. We are forced to find our strength when times get tough. That all of this happened in the span of 365 days is probably all just a fluke.
Doesn’t make me hate the year any less, though.
But feeling that way about it, well, it makes me sad. Because a lot was right in 2013: my kids, Chris, my sister’s surprise pregnancy (when she was told she’d NEVER be able to conceive naturally – SURPRISE! My nephew is due any minute!), amazing friends and friendships, a lot of good times, and a lot of joy.
I don’t know what’s ahead in 2014, only that I hope that the year is kinder to me and the people I love. I know that struggle presents us with opportunity for growth – but, you know, I don’t want to grow right now. I’m okay where I am. No growing necessary. Not for now. None for me, thanks.
There’s no guarantee that 2014 will be any better. The clock could strike midnight and the coming year could bring more of the same. Who knows.
But I always view a near year as a new start and so with my new start, I’ll pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. It’s all any of us can do, anyway.
Happy new year, y’all. Love and be loved,