Last week a fortune cookie told me that opportunity would present itself to me today. Not one to hang all my hopes on cookies, there was still a part of me wanting to believe that there was something good that would come to me today – if not an opportunity, then SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I needed to feel hopeful, I needed to feel less scared, I needed to not be a gigantic ball of stress.
I had woken up on Sunday morning and before I lifted my head from the pillow, my mind was a cycle of things that were wrong, things I needed to deal with and things that will likely soon turn to chaos. In case you had any doubt, it’s an AWFUL way to start your day. I hung on to that feeling most of the day, this negativity and helplessness, waiting for the moment it would pass. It took all day. {The feeling hung on longer than it should have partly because Pumpkin was bitten in the face by my ex-brother-in-law’s dog and so the evening expanded to include a trip to the ER for stitches and antibiotics. It’s another post for another day, for sure – but as a quick note: Any animal bite that breaks the skin requires medical attention. So, y’know. Get on that.} By the time we returned from the hospital, I was met with both carnitas and amazing hugs and the day finished on a good note, but…
I’ve been too cranky. Scared. Stressed. Worried. Uncertain.
So today, I decided I would fight that. I would seek to be positive and I would hang on to hope if I could.
How’s it working out?
Well, I don’t entirely know. I guess… okay.
An opportunity did come my way today. And then I made a phone call to connect with a friend of a friend who may not have opportunities, but insight into the local market. There was a birthday in our department (and treats always make things better, if only temporarily).
It hasn’t felt forced, this attempt to not dwell on the stressful things outside of my control. That was my fear. That fakey-fake “I’m okay-ness” of this mission, well, bah. Fake it til you make it is a valid theory but if I annoy myself than I’ve already kind of blown the mission.
My fortune cookie may be right, maybe it’s not – but today I gave myself a break from wondering how I’ll put things together and instead tried to just focus on what I already have.
It’s good sometimes to put worry on the back burner, even if you (like me!) don’t feel like you have the luxury to do so. Your brain needs a break. My brain needed the break.
One foot goes in front of the other and I’ll deal with things as they come.
Though, I can’t promise I won’t find things to panic about tomorrow.
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