Here it is, the end of November and if thirty consecutive days of writing has taught me anything it’s that… dang, it’s hard to write for 30 consecutive days.
But write I did.
To have had an emotional roller coaster of a month has given me much to say, but to be honest, it’s always hard to find that balance – what’s too much? I get uncomfortable putting too much of myself in this blog, and that’s ridiculous because it’s only ever been a positive thing when I’ve done so.
To write is to dwell, to be seen as complaining, to beat a dead horse.
Or is it?
Writing can also help us process and chase away demons.
So. Which is it?
And the thing is – for me, I’m not sure.
I’m comfortable behind this little wall of mine, but you’re never going to know me if I keep it up. And maybe that’s good. But you won’t know about the struggles – whether it’s with my grandfather’s health and my difficulties dealing with that or whether it’s allowing you to watch me on my journey of running a house on my own (the photos I haven’t hung, the light bulbs I haven’t replaced – and the little victories – including unclogging a sink and figuring out that weird noise in the kitchen).
I have wished away 2012 more times than I can count, it being a year of profound change and tough moments. Those moments can feel excruciating when you’re in the midst of ’em, but I do know that I am going to ring in 2013 knowing that all of this was the way things needed to go. I already feel that way, even though I’m still kind of standing in the middle of a sandstorm at times.
For all the moments I feel worn down, transparent, weak, overwhelmed, I have just as many moments of feeling strong, lifted, like things are going to be the way they need to be. Like there’s potential. Like there’s a whole big world in front of me now with no limits.
That’s a bit terrifying too. But in the best way.
This has been a month of words, of lowering the wall, of revealing.
What will December bring?
I guess we’ll all have to wait and see.
“Writing is both mask and unveiling.”
– e.b. white
– e.b. white
Thanks for hanging out with me this month. For reading and not cringing at all the overshare. You’re not so bad, y’know?
’til next month,
<3 sarah
About sarah
I will miss the daily posts 🙁
I’ve loved reading your posts – I will admit to not having read *all* of them, but certainly the most recent ones. You’re one of the original bloggers I started reading when I started writing a lot… I’m betting you can probably find me in the comments several years ago 🙂
I don’t think you’ve overshared at all, Sarah, though I understand exactly where you’re coming from as I am much the same. I’ve enjoyed reading your daily posts and getting to know you better here, privately, and in person.
I’ve enjoyed reading over the past thirty days. I too will miss your daily posts.