There’s a crack in the gutter where a flower grows…

Three days left.

Tonight after dinner, I went for a drive to the store. I wanted saltines because I had forgotten to buy them earlier – I’m forgetting everything this week. My mind is scrambled and I am having a hard time rubbing two thoughts together and coming up with anything semi-coherent. I was in the car, driving, sunglasses on and found my eyes filled with tears.

The crying over a job I don’t even like has been the most surprising thing  about getting laid off.

I pushed my sunglasses out of the way to wipe a tear out of my eye and not a quarter mile down the road I realize… I don’t think I can totally see. I propped my sunglasses up and realize, yep, there’s my contact lens STUCK TO MY EYE LID. I pulled over to dig through my purse hoping to find some eye drops to clean up my contact and pop it back into my eye.

No dice.

I got the contact back in anyway (It wasn’t easy and I imagine I now have all kinds of car bacteria in my eyeball).

That stopped the crying, though. For that moment.

I have friends who are very excited about this time for me – clearly people, uh, less resistant to change than I am. I have possibilities and I have potential. There will be opportunities and this is my chance to find work that I am passionate about – work that makes me happy.

I don’t know how many times I said (and not entirely in jest) that my job was sucking my soul out — heh, I can blog that now that I don’t have to worry about getting fired – so, I should be relieved. I should be grateful. I should be doing the happy dance (Anyone remember the tv show Perfect Strangers and the “Dance of Joy”? I mean – I should be doing that!).

In my mind, I think it’s just a matter of getting through the next few days. Of getting past that mental road block – I need to physically close the door on this chapter – and then, THEN, I will feel some of this excitement that other people feel for me already. This adventure, this moment, this time.

***

There’s a crack in the gutter where a flower grows
Reminding me that everything is possible
Yeah reminding me that nothing is impossible
You gotta live for the one that you love you know
You gotta love for the life that you live you know

Singin’ hey, hey, hey no matter how life is today
There’s just one thing that I got to say
I won’t let another moment slip away
I say hey, hey, hey no matter how life is today
There’s just one thing that I got to say
I won’t let another moment slip away

– Michael Franti & Spearhead, “Hey Hey Hey”