This morning, Pumpkin woke me up at 6:30 and I looked at the clock as I do, mentally calculating the number of hours that have passed between the time I put my head to the pillow and this moment when I open my eyes and start a new day. Was it enough sleep, not enough – the answers vary. Sometimes I stay up far later than I should for my early morning wake up call, but the older (guh) I get, the more I need that time – that time between when everyone else is worn out from the day and calls it quits to the time when my eyes can’t stay open any longer. Frankly, no matter how early I wake up, I’m just not tired at 10 p.m.
I got out of bed, shuffled to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and gave my reflection only a cursory glance – never a good idea to look too closely before the shower and hairbrush. Downstairs to pour a cup of chocolate milk for Pumpkin (daily ritual), make sure the dog has food, grabbed my book from the table and curl up under a pile of blankets while she watched episodes of Pink Panther on Netflix Instant (worth the money, that Netflix).
In my head, I mentally cataloged my to-do list for the day. I needed to go to the grocery store. There were work obligations. There was this. There was that. I needed to get out of the house. I needed fresh air. I needed to get away from the cabin fever.
And so it began, as it begins each day.
Today, I woke up in a better mood than yesterday. For starters, there’s sun today. There wasn’t at 6:30, of course – at that point, the sky is still washed with the dark of night and it was too soon to tell what the day might bring – but it wasn’t long. The sun appeared and my mood felt lighter.
This is one of those posts where I really have no idea where I’m going – I have words – they are jumbled in my head – but I see no good way to tie them together. Clearly, that doesn’t stop me – not having a unifying theme.
Yesterday, I felt fragile like hollowed out eggshells – sensitive to nuances and words. Sensitive to the feeling that I was missing something. Actually missing sarcasm and humor – and instead taking words to heart – taking generic comments as insults hurled at me, when they weren’t. It’s not like me to miss sarcasm – I’m pretty fluent in the language. Spent the day feeling like the slightest pressure would crush me, like that eggshell.
What is the point of this post?
I told you – I don’t really know.
A few months ago, I read a post – I wish I could remember who wrote it. It was so poignant and the message of the post was simply to treat people kindly, treat them gently – we really don’t know what is going on in someone’s world, what is going on beneath the surface. We should tread lightly, hand out kindness, show grace (if you remember who wrote that original post, I’d love to know).
That’s what I ended up thinking yesterday as I felt the sting from imaginary insults – words that weren’t likely intended that way, words I only took that way because of the headspace I was in.
Perhaps this is why I am such a huge fan of the emoticon.
I know people really hate smileys and goofy emoticons – but it takes a lot of the guesswork out of your intent. OH, I see, colon, right parenthesis. That’s a smile. This was meant to be funny. Ohhhhh, colon, left parenthesis. FROWNY FACE. Less than, three. Love. Gotcha.
Instead, with my emotional radar not in prime functioning form, I was unable to interpret words for their intent, instead reading everything in the most negative way possible. In case you’re wondering – that kind of sucks.
Was it gray sky or spring break-itis (that’s a word. I said so)? I don’t kow.
But today is better.
Even if I have no point.
About sarah
I am glad today is better. I always less than three you. Have a good one.
Sending you hugs Sarah!
Glad you were able to step away from everything and go to Chicago!!