Not McDreamy and Not McSteamy…

…oh no. My Doctor today? McCreepy.

My primary doctor is notoriously difficult to get an appointment with, and so if something is urgent, some days I just don’t try – I will let the scheduling guru’s give me the first available appointment. Such was the case today. My antibiotics are working their magic kicking this sinus infection, but my eyes have been weird the past few days – red, goopy, hurty. I was thinking to myself, “Oh crap! I have pinkeye.” Who the hell wants pinkeye? So… I figured I had better get in to the doc today, rather than suffer through a weekend of waking up with my eyes stuck shut.

Dr. McCreepy is usually notoriously slow, or as his nurses say… thorough. The nurse came in, checked my BP (100/68 in case you were curious… and as my husband always asks, “How are you not dead?”), did the pulse jobby-doo, and then left. TWENTY minutes later, McCreepy walks in. He sat down, flipped through my chart (because you know, I only saw him a few days ago), didn’t say anything.

Finally, he asked my symptoms, and got out the little light shiner thing and gets in my face. He’s aiming the light at my eyeball and really leans in close to my face and then says…

“Wow, you have really pretty eyes.”

At this point, I just wanted to throw up in my mouth a little bit. What a weird thing to say when you are close to someone like that, and you haven’t bought them dinner first! Hello- he is this gross yucky older guy – if it had been my optometrist – hottttttt – or my dentist – way hotter! – I would have maybe gotten some tingly goosebumps from it, but this balding man with a big stain on his shirt really did not do anything but skeeve me out.

I wasn’t sure what to say and then he started in on a story about how I must have a brown eye gene and a blue eye gene, something he’s noticed with people whose eyes are like mine – brownish green or is it hazel – but it’s not really hazel because… OH. MY. HELL. This lead into him telling me about how he used to race pigeons and studying the correlation between the pigeon’s eye color and its speed.

And I so so so wish I were kidding. But I’m not.

It was excruciating. I left the office with a diagnosis of a bacterial infection in my eye (and NO, I apparently cannot catch a break this week), and a script for an ointment that none of our local pharmacies carry (so Hubby is going to have to drive 20 miles out of his way to pick it up for me).

Ugh. I am so over this week!!