This morning, I woke up and thought to myself, “Two years ago, I was getting ready for work, not knowing it was my last day in the office… ever.” I worked right up until the day before Pumpkin was born (she was born at 5:57 a.m. after about three and a half hours of labor).
I felt ROUGH that day, July 26, 2005. Really rough. So rough that my co-workers kept telling me to go home. I was tired, worn out, and just ready for a nap (serves me right being pregnant in July!). I didn’t want to leave early, though, because I didn’t want people to accuse me of taking advantage or “playing the pregnancy card” to get out of working. So, I stuck it out the whole day. Woke up at the crack of dawn the next morning in labor. Who knew.
It’s amazing that I haven’t really worked outside the home in two years. It blows my mind that I’m doing it. Granted, not every day is a good day (yesterday was horrendously bad, as a matter of fact). I don’t know that I always feel I did the right thing – some days, I’d give anything to have an office to go to, to be able to get away, to be able to turn off the “mom-part” of my brain (though, as you know, that is phsyically impossible!). Some days, I’d give anything for a commute with traffic, getting to pick the radio station, going through the whole day without peanut butter handprints on my clothes, going more than five hours without having to change a diaper.
But, I remember the days after The Princess was born and before Pumpkin. I hated being away from her. I hated feeling like she’d take her first steps without me. She would say her first words to someone else. Someone else was feeding her lunch and changing her diapers. It made me crazy.
If I was working, I know I’d give anything to be home… so it’s only natural that some days I long to be “at work”.
I’m struggling lately – juggling working from home with being a mom, being a wife, and being the live-in housekeeper. Lately, I’ve felt like I’m spread a bit too thin and I’m feeling overwhelmed.
But I wouldn’t trade my two kids for anything on the planet, and as with all things in life, “If you want the rainbows, you gotta put up with the rain.” I’m having some tough days, but getting a smooch from my kids helps. Seeing their smiles, helps. (Pumpkin deciding today that she would tinkle on her potty for the second time – that HELPED! Way to go, almost birthday girl!).
Tomorrow, my “baby” will be two. I can’t believe the time has flown so quickly.
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