A Dangerous Pasttime, I Know…

I’ve been thinking.

Occasionally, I get myself into these little funks and things just kind of nag at me and my brain tumbles around like a washer on the spin cycle. I don’t entirely know what’s got my knickers in a twist, only that they are indeed in a twist.

I love being home with my girls. I know if I was anywhere else, I’d do nothing but wish I were home. But. Somedays, I wish I had something outside the house that was MINE. Something where someone was giving me feedback, acknowledging my contribution, and letting me know that my life is not being taken for granted.

Oh, so dramatic! I know. I don’t mean to sound like that. Because to be perfectly honest, Hubby tells me how much he appreciates what I do. But. But. Sometimes I feel like I have to dig for it. Sometimes I have to say, “Boy! What a hard day!” to get someone to ask how my day was, really. And you know what? Raising kids? It ain’t easy.

I never knew, before staying home with the girls how hard it is to figure out not only what to put on the table for dinner at night – but prepare a healthful lunch too? (And I have a dependence on Macaroni & Cheese that just isn’t right – I know it barely falls into a recognized food group – sue me).

Working in an office, I got regular feedback and performance reviews, and I’m wondering if I need a Mommy Review. I feel like I’m needing someone to tell me, Hey, you’re doing alright. Mom, that dinner you made for us was super good. Mom? That art project you came up with? That was really fun.

I don’t want to dig for compliments. I just want to feel that what I do is making a difference to the people in my house. Some days, I’m just not feeling it. These days, I’m not. These days, I feel it’s taken for granted that things will get done, and messes will get cleaned up, and meals will be on the table, and diapers will be changed, and…

I dunno. Mommy needs a vacation, I think.