Finding Laughter Through Tears

As predicted, yesterday was difficult. I knew it would be. I wasn’t surprised. I felt like I was spread unbelievably thin, both in reality with a massively crunched schedule, and emotionally feeling like I wasn’t where I needed to be. On our calendar yesterday was getting my hair done for my stepbrother’s wedding (yes, I had a wedding to attend on top of everything), doing The Princess’s hair in curls (again) for the full dress rehearsal, attending the actual dress rehearsal, knowing the funeral was going on, getting home from rehearsal in time to jot down some notes for the babysitter, get dressed and hightail it out the door to try to make it to the wedding reception in time for dinner (we missed the ceremony due to the rehearsal – which is fine by me).

As I arrived at the auditorium with The Princess (who had all the makeup and hair thing going on), we sat to watch some of the other classes perform while we waited for her class’s turn. I am punctual to a fault – in fact, we arrived twenty minutes early (and that was with a Starbucks detour) – so imagine my annoyance at finding that the studio was about forty-five minutes behind schedule. That pushed The Princess’s production rehearsal from 1:30 to 2:15. As I sat there in the dark watching kids get attacked with massive stage fright, I kept looking at the time on my cell phone knowing that it was getting closer to time for the funeral and just feeling very overwhelmed and that I wasn’t where I needed to be, and that I didn’t know why I was in the land of overly made up preschoolers.

They finally called for the Strawberry Shortcake girls (that would be the group of five classes dancing to songs from Strawberry Shortcake), and I excused myself and headed to the restroom for what Oprah would call “an ugly cry”. Gave myself a few minutes of being an emotional wreck, splashed some water on my face, and headed back into the auditorium in time to see the girls being positioned on the stage for their numbers. I sat in the dark just feeling terrible – until my girl took the stage.

Watching four and five year olds on stage is a laugh and a half anyway – they were all a bit “off” – but there was this fun feeling I had watching her and having her there in front of me while I was feeling so down. There is a part to the dance that the girls all screw up every time (it’s a weird shuffle-jump-step thing… Hard to describe, and I think it’s a bit beyond this class) – but my Princess was the only one on stage who got it right during rehearsals, and I was so stinking proud of her that I had a big grin on my face and felt a bit lighter in my heart. She’s such a ham that I know she was eating up her moments in the spotlight. And part of me knew that my grandmother would be smiling down at her – because frankly, The Princess was amazing (and I totally toned down the makeup stuff, so she wasn’t in full-on Jon Benet). The rest of rehearsal went pretty smoothly – midway through, Hubby came to take over sitting and waiting, and I went home with Pumpkin so I could get ready for the reception.

I got all gussied up, left notes for the sitter, and we went to the party not really knowing what to expect. My stepbrother and his (now) wife are a bit “rough around the edges” – and the antics that ensued at the reception certainly were true to that. While I never would have expected some of that stuff… I’m not entirely surprised. I was able to hit the dance floor a bit, eat some really tasty almond cake, and have some snarky laughs on behalf of the bridesmaid in the strapless gown with three enormous tattoos on her back who was a little on the drunk and rowdy side (the bride apparently wanted to ask her to cover the tattoos up with makeup, but was scared to ask).

I came home and my girls were sleeping soundly, and the sitter had even cleaned my microwave (which was embarrassingly nasty, I have to admit, and if I had realized last night that she had done it, we’d have totally paid her more). Today, my girls and Hubby have showered me with cards, and a great gift, and a yummy trip out for breakfast. I’m feeling loved and I’m feeling better. I’m doing okay.